Saturday, May 25, 2013

SAID is killing me

I have recently needed to provide proof that the rent is going up for SAID. I gave them a letter after I was given a verbal notice that the rent is going up. For this I got a phone call that was to say the least degrading and demoralizing. I am a human being and deserve a basic level of respect. The government workers who are paid to help people like me always seem to act in a superior manor and try to push us down. The sarcastic overtones and overt innuendo that I am trying to pull a fast one on them is not welcome.

The greatest source of stress in my life and will continue to be the social workers at SAID, until it is too much and I drop dead. I am just so tired of being treated like shit all of the time when I have to deal with them. It's amazing as hell to me how they think they can just fuck with us... Until this is resolved I will be in true hell. The massive pain I feel most days is nothing in comparison to the mental pain they put me through. I just don't know what the hell to do - ya know... I am just trying to live here - I am not trying to scam the system. I just want to be able to live properly. Like a person. Instead I am treated like an animal. Every time I have to deal with them I end up in tears curled up in a ball waiting to be fucked over. How many times can I go through this until I just can't take it anymore? When is the last time? One day it will kill me I am sure. I will have a heart attack or I will just lose the battle with the dark thoughts. In any event they will push me over the edge. They seem to do this to me... What did I do? Why do I have to live like this? Why can't I go 3 months with no big time stress on me because of these people? What the living hell? Why no dignity at all? I am always stripped of it and left a mess. They just don't give a shit about us!

The best thing is, when I provide proof on Monday there will be no “I am sorry” for the pushing me around on the phone. As for the rent here – it is average. Just look on the web for apartments in town and one will see what I am talking about. The places that are of less money (and there are not many) are not safe to live in. They are dives at best and not a healthy or safe environment for anyone. For God’s sake there is a place half the size of this with no kitchen in it for $500 a month. All I am asking for is $650 a month to live in a place that is close to the places I need to deal with. Attached will be screen caps from the local online source for rentals. You will see a much smaller and not so well located apartment for $600 and a single room in a shared environment for $500. I need to be close to the store and to the drug store as well as my doctor and so on. This is the perfect location for me.

So why do I have to fight for every scrap? The fact that a move will always destabilize my mood disorder and put me at risk is beyond these people. The fact that I need a safe and quiet place to life is far over their heads. All I ask for is what anyone should have at the very least.


  1. My pain is nothing compared to this mess and all the other messes I had to fight threw. I can't keep forever fighting. One day it will just bee far too much to fight threw. A bit of me is lost ever time this happens. The happy me, the one who care for others and wants to help is slowly being replaced with a bitter and beaten man. Soon there will be nothing left but anger. I pray that day never comes but I feel it...

  2. The person you know is being replaced with the one they are turning me into. Right now I can't give a shit about anything at all. I am empty. There is nothing but this feeling that nothing will ever be OK again. I don't even want to watch video or TV or go for coffee. I just want to lie here and wait for the end of my days. There is nothing of the happy me. I actually don't remember the feeling of being happy.