Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Permanent State of Anxiety

Well seems as if I am now in a permanent state of Anxiety. For about a week now it has felt like I am short of breath. The feeling is just like when you hold your breath too long and it hurts. So after a bad night of this happening strongly I went to the ER.

Well that was pointless and I got something about the muscles in my chest and so on making my brain think I am short of breath. I took it at face value for a few moments as I have an injury to the muscles in my chest that acts up from time to time and that night it was doing it in spades.

The I talked to my GP today and he said it's possibly Anxiety. Well I said "but there is no tingling in my hands or panic feeling like when I have a panic attack". He said sometimes there is only the short of breath feeling.

Well now I am going to be trying meds for Anxiety (only when it gets strong) and see if it helps at all. I guess the rest of the time I just live with it, as this is a permanent thing right now and has been for almost two weeks.

For this entire time I have not known why the hell it's happening. But I have just noticed that I can smell cigarette smoke coming threw the vent in the kitchen (it's shared with the kitchen next door). This reminds me of the terrible and slow death my Mom had from lung cancer as a result of smoking for most of her life.

The thing is, I can't do anything about it. So I am stuck with this until I learn to live with it I guess - if I ever do. Being you are allowed to smoke in your apartment here, nothing can be done. This all came to mind as I have noticed that when I am in the kitchen or living room it's worse and my BIG attacks have ALL happened in these rooms only. When I leave the building to go out - the feeling all but leaves me.

So we will see what the meds do for me and what not. If they do work I sadly might need them once a day - but I hope NOT. I am starting to be able to control the feeling as I am doing right at this moment. I pushed down an attack - something I learned to do in the past. But I have never had them so strong and so long as this. So I think it's only in part with the smell of smoke.

On an off topic note I almost only blog when I am brain fogging. For some strange reason I can write a LOT better when I'm in this state but it's hard for me to talk. So strange.