Friday, January 19, 2018

Sometimes a Lie is to Spare People Pain

When my Dad died, I was driving him home from the hospital in Regina. He had an operation and was taken off blood thinners - this killed him. The fact is though, if they did not take him off he would have bled to death on the operating table - so it was a no win situation.

He did in the passenger seat beside me as I drove down the highway. I ended up driving over 90 mph to the hospital in town. There was no way he was doing to make it and even if we did stop and give CPR he would not have come back. It was his 3rd heart attack and he was just barley functioning before it, so it was the end no matter what.

The doctor that talked to us after the pronounced him dead told us "he did not suffer it was quick and painless". Now I saw it happen and this was not the reality. He suffered terrible pain for at least 10 seconds. The distorted look on his face showed me that he was suffering greatly.

Mom needed this to be the reality though and there was no way on earth I would have ever told her the truth. One day she asked, "do you think Dad suffered when he died". I said "No he just dropped dead and there was no pain".

On a different front often when I took Mom shopping she would take 30 to 45 minutes to shop and this would cause me to be in pain that I can't even describe to you. I on several occasions almost passed out from the pain and only by sure will power did I make it threw.

She never knew about it. I never once said "this really hurts so hurry up". I did not want her to feel bad for something she could not control. She was sick and could not hurry up and I knew this. So I hid the pain and suffered in silence.

Some would say "if you love them tell the truth". For the most part this is something that should happen, but now and then you should just shut up or lie outright. Sure if they ever find out they will be hurt double, but the majority of the time they don't find out and you save them mental anguish that could last for a very long time. Mom would never have been able to move past Dads death if she knew he suffered like that. She also would have ended up spending money to get someone else to take her shopping instead of me suffering - she did not have the money to spend.

So yes, sometimes we do need to lie.

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