4 MEMORIES FROM MY YOUTH

-1-

In the 1990's I took my friend to the gay bar in Regina for the first time. He was deep in the closet at the time and scared that someone would see him go in or see his car in the parking lot. Because of this I drove and we went in on the side of the building so as to lessen exposure to the street, then it was a quick dash to the door.

Well we went in and checked out coats at the coat room (right by the door). The song "It's raining men" was blasting on the speakers in the dance aria. I said to him "I'm going to phone Terrence". He then exclaims loudly "WHAT"? I repeated myself and he said "I though you said you where going to phone my parents". Well both the coat check girl and I lost our shit and where laughing our asses off. He however did not see the humour.

-2-

I used to work in a grave yard, this was my first job. I was cutting using the weed whipper and noticed a young lady in a bikini kneeling by a grave.

Well these two guys where going to do the edging of the grave as the excavator does not leave great edges. They both where staring at her as they walked to the grave side by side. Well the both fell in and let out a yelp on the way in. She looked back to see no one there and jumped on her bike and road off as fast as she could. thankfully neither one of the guys where hurt.

-3-

For a short time I tried to sell vacuums door to door. This was a crappy job with a boss who was very willing to rip you off to say the least.

Well the one time we where going door to door me on the one side of the road and my partner on the other. This woman who must have been almost 70 answers the door in a leather bikini and holding a riding crop.

I started into the lines I was told to say and held up the vacuum for her to see. There was an old man tied to the coffee table naked. Well the woman exclaimed "fuck off" and slammed the door in my face.

Two days later we where doing the same thing in a different part of the city. This time we where together trying to team sell. Well this woman opens the door completely naked and obviously on some kind of drug.

Well she was holding this little dog that the promptly dropped on his head and it ran into the house. She had no understanding of what we where saying I don't think and just slowly closed the door and that was it for that situation.

Well I never made a penny off vacuums and ended up spending a bunch of money for gas and what not - so it was a total loss. Not to mention the manager promised that you would make "$1300" a month. His ad in the newspaper literally stated it was guaranteed. This was not so at all and I ended up with nothing.

-4-

There was this time we where camping in a provincial park about 4 hours from where I live. Neither of us was of age and we where drinking whisky out of the bottle.

Well an RCMP officer slowly drove into site and my friend tossed the bottle over his head into the woods. After the cop passed we went looking for it.

Well it was upright dead centre in the middle of a tree stump and had it's contents intact. So we went back to drinking.