Sunday, March 27, 2011

Free Landers

They tell us it is the land of the free. But you’re only free to be just like the rest. If you do not buy into the mass marketing of culture and religion then you are one of them. If you are one of them that it is the job of all good free Landers to hunt you down and make you pay for your crime of individuality. Here love is something you buy and God is something you sell. The pusher man tells you what to think and the dead minds teach your children to listen to violence and drugs. We are the land of the free but watch your backs or they come in the night to make you vanish. If they think you know something then water-boarding is the new hand shake. United in nations under the dollar they will fly over your lands and make you submit to democracy. A Starbucks on each corner is the price of your collective souls. You think the criminals that roam the streets are angry and full of hate; then you have not seen the cops yet. One man said once that one day a good rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets. The only thing washing the streets here is the blood of the innocent and the souls of our youth. The man on the white horse caries a big stick and will put it where he wants to put it. The leaders are no more than a side show to the freak show that is our way of life. The leaders are lead by the monster of greed and money. One man stands shoveling money into the furnace of corporate America while the other man tosses the babies of the third world in. We stick it in their face that we have it all and they have nothing. Even the poor here have more than a family there. God help them if they have anything we want; then it is holly war on them for all they have. We fill they skies with death and warm the days and cool the nights with storms of discontent. For the love of God we tell people they are going to hell if they do not stand in awe of the power of a handful of men. Praise the Lord and then put your money in the plate. I know it goes to someone who does not need any more, but hell a token penny here and there will trickle down to those who have nothing and we will say we did everything we can to make them better people. We marginalize the radicals that yell God Hate Fags then we stand behind them and tell the Gay they can’t get married in the eyes of our God. Who is out god anyways, the last time I looked it was someone sitting at a desk in an opulent office pushing papers that will crush the lives of so many all in the name of the bottom line. If you can’t buy it, it is not part of the covenant of the corporations or should I say Gods. Those few who know what and who God really is will be passed off and condemned to eternal hell in the name of the dollar. Those who want to lend a hand or a kind word to all around them no matter who or what they are, will forever burn in the depths of hell. Look inside your book of magic words and tell me if it has not one line of hate; not one line of murder. No I did not think so, yet you scream that you are his and he is your master. The reality is you don’t even know him and when you die you will face him for the first time. All hail the war machine as we feed it oil and lives from the Middle East. All hale the downfall of humanity. If you think these words are mad, then you’re one of the many and you will never understand the very few of us. I pray for you every night. I pray for your children and the future of Mother Earth. I pray for this and not for more of what I don’t need. And all though you see us few as evil and insane we love you all. Hugs Free Landers and many prayers to you.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

That long night.

I held him as he cried that long night. I told him he was going to be alright and it was will be over soon. Before that he was crying out to God to make the many demons go from him. I could see his pain and wanted it all to end. I wanted to make him know he was loved and God had not left him. He yelled out that he was lost in an endless plague of pain and suffering.

The voices told him to do things that he knew where wrong and he asked me why would they not be quiet and where was God in all of this. I told him he was right with us and he loved us. I told him he would not abandon any of his children. Then he told me that God was telling him to hurt himself; to do unspeakable things. I told him this is not God talking and it is not a demon. I told his this was his own fears and dark feelings that we all have inside.

He cried for help many times that night and I was there for him and so was God. In the end it all came down to the fact I was alone and he was me. If God did not allow me to see myself from out of my own perspective I don’t know if I would be here today.

Later when I was out of the hospital and alone. I questioned God and thought he did not exist. I pushed away and knew for a moment that there was no God and only I was there that night for myself. Then when I was OK with the thought of no God – it happened. He reached to me once again and showed me his everlasting love. People quoting Jeremiah 29:12 all day – it was everywhere. I went for coffee with a friend and there where 12 people all with wooden crosses around there necks sitting there – a 13’th man came up to them, looked at me and said hello to me – then sat with them. I came home and someone from my past called me. We talked and he told me he was now a pastor. In the day he was one bad ass person. We talked for a long time and he told me many things.

When I was alone I looked into the darkness and said out loud, “I hear you lord” and it felt like I was floating. For a moment there was no pain and I was at peace completely. All I can say now is thank you for being with me when I needed you. I know your hand was on mine and I know you have changed me in many ways. I don’t know who I will be when I am done looking around at what you have to show me. But I know you will never be far from me. Thank you Jesus and I understand so many things now.

Monday, March 7, 2011

The Police Where Here Again...

Once again the police came to knock on the door of apartment #21. In the past month and a half the cops have been here quite a lot looking for him. I so with they had booted him out the time he was yelling and screaming in the halls that night. His personality seems to be one of someone who is deeply disturbed. When he was so drunk and loud that night, the manager was talking with him and he was all over the place emotionally. First he was mild and meek then he was loud and aggressive. Later he was completely out of control and threatening. Several people heard him make a threat to me that night and I recorded it – you can find that 2 posts back from this one.

We pay a lot of money to be here and they want people to think it is a nice building to stay in. For the most part this is true. No one else in here has a problem with anyone. But #21 is the odd man out. He seems to think that intimidation and violence solves problems instead of making new ones. He does not belong and the sooner he is out of here the better.

One of the others on my floor tells me he is up on charges from getting in a fight in Swift Current. I can imagine this to be true very easily. His mannerisms are that of a 3 year old throwing a tantrum when he does not get his way. He needs to be out of here and away from the good folks that live in this building if you ask me. It is always trouble to mix quiet good people and someone who is aggressive, out of control and loud.

This time the cops came because he did not show up for work and they were worried about his safety. Why all the other times where they here for him though? Also I am wondering how stable a person he is, if he keeps getting into trouble like this and acting in such an erratic manner. The threat from his downright criminal minded manner is obvious to all of us. I am a big man but do not like violence. Perhaps I could hold my own, but I am disabled and this is most likely not the case. What of the little old ladies that live here like my mother? They are in their 70’s and 80’s and can’t stand up to someone like this. They would be to say the least injured by his attack. None of us need this in our lives. Just the thought of a violent and out of control person in our midsts is off putting too many of us.

Mixed Bag Of Vlogging