To be honest I'm only staying alive for the sake of my friends. My family turned their back on my years ago. The pain is getting worse again and it's hard to even walk now. I don't want this anymore and the doctors won't listen. Even if they give me something, it's at too low a dose to work. I've told so many of them I'm extremely resistant to pain medication and no one listens to me. The only thing thar works is pot and I don't have $30 or more a day for it. I'm fucked. I'm trapped in a body that is falling apart and I fear I'll loose my freedom soon and end up in a care home. I'd rather be fucking dead than that. If it was not for the kindness of those who love me, I'd just end it. I'm so tired of pain, depression, anxiety, being broke all the time and being alone most of the time. And I'm just tired all the time. I know there are good days, but I'm not strong anymore, its breaking me down.