Showing posts from February, 2017

Freedom? What do you see?

What do you see? When you look at things do you see them or do you see what you expect to see?
The world exists despite our view of it. It goes on blind to the fact that we even exist and it is more than any of us can ever know.
The vast majority of people see a lot as a small child but by the time we get threw school that is gone. The ability to "see" has been replaced with the idea of what we are told.
We call ourselves free and are slaves to an imposed reality controlled by very few people. The ones with the power to change perception and implant thoughts.
This sounds like madness and that I am some conspiracy nut. The reality is, we are trained by complex means to see what we are told to see not what is actually there.
Even the majority of anti-establishment so called free thinkers have learned to see the world in a light they where told do see it in. This ability is all but extinct - the ability to see what is actually there.
There is a limited amount of choice to the average…

We Are Both Angel And Demon By Choice

It would be easy, just let yourself become an animal. Live in the moment and do what feels good and be dammed what is the right thing to do. I have spent most of my life becoming who I am at this very moment. I have been as far from who I am as I cared to be and I came back to who I should be.
I and by that, I mean all of us am of two minds. We are angles and demons. We are who we chose to be. Here in a land where we are free to choose who is to say what is the right path? It is the self that decides the future of the soul.
I am at this moment trying to improve myself. Trying to be more healthy and a better person to others. I am trying to kill the ego who demands attention and respect when neither are deserved. I want to help people. I want to make them smile and give them a reason to become more than they are by example.
I also want to spit in the face of God and go out in a booze and drug fueled orgy of sex, pain and madness. I want to live the short and wild life just to spite my own…

Playing With Text (ARTish)


Books I'm Reading

Latest E-Books I picked up to read. The 3 on the bottom and the OZ are the complete collections and VERY long because of it. These will keep my busy for years to come as I don't actually read much. But they will forever be in my list so when I change devices I just sync it and poof read my books time. The yellow covered one was funny as hell. Venus in Furs was free and NOT worth the price. Posting hope is OK but I am sure most people would not be into it. I really wanted to get a book that was published in town, but it seems to have vanished off the market completely. Oh well. It's at the library if I really want to - and it's just a block away. BUT I would have to get a library card (don't have one) then read it in 6 weeks. There is the real rub as I can go 4 weeks without the desire to read LOL. Any how, these will keep me busy for years I think. I tell you when I was a teen and into my 20's I read a great deal. In fact I read ever day for at least 2 hours. I rea…

The Universe Tempting Me With Pizza

OK so I am sitting here with 0.2 lbs to go till I reach my goal of losing 70 lbs in a year. So what do I see just after posting a before and after pic (on week 48)? This ad to the left LOL. I am telling you the universe knows and messes with us fat folk LOL.
Honestly Family Pizza is not that bad. I gave them a 4 star rating after all. This is as well a great deal for a FAMILY. Unfortunately I am single...
There was a time in my life I would order this and eat on it all day until there was nothing left. Maybe, just maybe, that is why I got to be the size I am (or was).
Yup Pizza and cake and all that is NOT a bad thing now and then. It's just when you eat it all the time and a lot of it that there is a problem. For me, now I allow myself one stupid thing to eat a week. This week it was poutine. You have to live sometimes. If you try to just stick to it all the time you get off track in a short time. I did that in the past.
Anyway I have 4 weeks to go so I upped the goal from 70lbs in a…

OPS This Should Be This Weeks Weight Loss Stats...

DATE Feb 24, 2017 KG 179.6 LBS 395.2 UP or DOWN (lbs) -4.8 Total -69.8 lbs (48 Weeks)
OPS This is what yesterdays should look like - Sigh I weighed myself at the wrong time of day and it wildly effected it. So... Here is what it should look like.
My goal for 1 years is 70 lbs and I am 0.2 lbs away from that. Baring something strange or doing something silly - I should get there.

Remembering Murders

Wonder if the Moose Jaw ghost tour has a stop at the dreamland where in the mid 70's a hooker tied a guy to the bed then stabbed him 47 times. She then took out a bottle of lighter fluid and lit the body on fire. In court, she claimed "it was an accident". The judge not being a complete dolt did not see how this could have been an OOPS and sent get to jail for the next 25 years of her life. The claim she was high on PCP at the time BTW.

Wilbert Colin Thatcher In 1983 he was investigated and later convicted of killing his wife JoAnn. It seems to this day that there is a LOT of people who think his son did it and Colin took the fall for him rather than let him go to jail. Literally you can still from time to time hear people talking about this murder today 34 years later.
The next one I recall is not from Moose Jaw but a place 385km away in Wilkie. This was the case of Robert Latimer who ended his daughter’s sad life in 1993. She suffered every day of her life with painful s…

All Manner Of Toilet Paper Related Tales...

Yuppers, I am ready for the curried chicken tonight. LOL...
Actually I am just one of them people who are OCD enough to think "what if I run out" - then takes it to the level of putting out 4 extra just in case it all goes wrong.
My aunt had this knit poodle that went over a roll of butt paper and sat there on the tank in it's pink glory for as long as she was alive... Well as long as I remember, I am sure it was not always there.
Over the years I have seen many of these knit things over a roll on the tank actually. Some where seasonal - a Santa or and Easter bunny for example. The vast majority of them where poodles though. Then there was the one time there was the knit bottom and a half a Barbie doll on top. That one was kind of disturbing as I was at a friends place and drunk off my ass.
Now lets talk about the empty rolls. I know people who use them for things and you can make fire starters out of them I have seen. I never have, but I've seem people do it. I on the o…

Old Age And The Bathroom

It started happening sometime in my late 40's. That is, you get comfortable and just when you are in that right possession - you have to pee.
It seems the older I get the more I have to pee. I think I know why though. I figure the bladder shrinks with time. After all when I was 17 I would stand there draining for what seemed like five minutes in a row.
Now I go every 45 minutes instead of every 5 hours and I am only there for 50 seconds. It makes me thing, if I make it to 80 how many times a day will I have to go to the can and how short a time will it take?
Sex on the other hand takes longer as you get older and some days you fall asleep while the other person is getting ready. But that is another story...

What Could Be More Canadian? AKA I Got Lucky (ish)

So this is my doctors office, in the entry way. I had to wait for a friend to get back to pick me up and he was delayed. Sometimes the universe works well and that was one day it did. See I went to the front desk and made an appointment for one week later and forgot all about the blood work.
Well I got a phone call as I was waiting and the woman said "there seems to be a requisition here for blood work you forgot to pick up". See if my friend was on time, then I would have been home and would have had to call him to come back and it would have been a bother for both of us. 
But there you have it, I got lucky. This is as lucky as the universe will let me be of course. There will be no winning the big one on the lotto for me and if I do I will promptly drop dead just after going threw all the hoops of getting the pay out. LOL.
BTW there is about no parking in the parking lot any more. There is now a Tim Horton's across the parking lot from the clinic. So good luck getting par…

Weight Loss - Feb 23, 2017

OK it's 1 day yearly but I won't have time tomorrow. Looks like the Poutine and the big ass sub and 6 cans of pop did a number on me. But at least I am down a slight but. My one year goal is 70 lbs. Only 3 more weeks to get there, and if I miss it by a little - that is good as well. Most people will never drop this much in a year anyway. Just got to keep at it and yes it's OK to have something bad now and then. I've also stopped my water pill - but I'm sure that is minimal as the dosage was very small. DATE
Mar 22, 2016 Mar 28, 2016 Apr 3, 2016 Apr 16, 2016 Apr 24, 2016 Apr 30, 2016 May 6, 2016 May 13, 2016 May 20, 2016 May 27, 2016 Jun 3, 2016 Jun 10, 2016 June 17, 2016 June 25, 2016 July 1, 2016 July 8, 2016 July 14, 2016 July 22, 2016 July 29, 2016 Aug 6, 2016 Aug 11, 2016 Aug 20, 2016 Aug 26, 2016 Sep 2, 2016 Sep 10, 2016 Sep 17, 2016 Sep 23, 2016 Oct 2, 2016 Oct. 8, 2016 Oct. 15, 2016 Oct. 20, 2016 Oct. 28, 2016 Nov. 4, 2016 Nov. 11, 2016 Nov. 18, 2016 Nov. 25, 2016 Dec.2, 2016 Dec. 9, 2016 Dec. 16,…

You Mad? Yes Kind Of...

So Facebook just disallowed me to post a link to my own blog post because the URL had the word SUCKS in it. Lets see what it does with this one because it has the work SUCKS in it LOL.
I mean seriously did FB think this was porn or what? Sigh...

One More Reason Fibro Sucks

So here I am covered in itchy the other day - as I am right freaking now and as I am at least 4 times a week. I am not to the point of the other day in this photo - but I am not enjoying it. Worst thing is, nothing at all helps.
I have taken all manner of antihistamine and rubbed on all manner of creams to try and get the hell of itching to stop. None of it helped at all. So you live threw it. For me it will only last a few hours at most, but for some it lasts for days or weeks. God I would be spare in a week of this. Then again I thought a week of Anxiety would kill me and here I am in week 2...
BTW Looks bad don't it? Think about it, scratching makes it WORSE and it's covering my entire body. Not only that about 80% of my life in the last 17 years I have had a spot on my back that has been itchy and nothing will kill it. Not only that it's HELLISH itchy. It's about the size of my fingertip and is off to the left of center mid rib cage on my back. Sigh.
The only thing I …

Medicating With Food - Sushi Load

So I have been not well this last way emotionally - been fighting Anxiety kind of a lot and that had made me kind of down - so what do I do? EAT.
I go into the store and a FAMILY sized sushi pack is on sale for $10. Well I get it and eat the entire thing. There was a couple of dragon rolls and a couple of different kinds of California roll in it. In all enough to feed 4 people and I eat it all. My tummy hated me for it and I did not feel any better after. That is the problem - it only feels good while you eat.
Fortunately this was not like I eat a pile of something very bad for me like cake (I've done that before) - but it's not good. I hoped I was out of the habit of pigging out to medicate myself. I guess old habits die hard. But next time maybe I will just try listening to a lot of music instead - like I am doing right now and it's kind of working.

Art - Variations on an Abstract


Permanent State of Anxiety

Well seems as if I am now in a permanent state of Anxiety. For about a week now it has felt like I am short of breath. The feeling is just like when you hold your breath too long and it hurts. So after a bad night of this happening strongly I went to the ER.
Well that was pointless and I got something about the muscles in my chest and so on making my brain think I am short of breath. I took it at face value for a few moments as I have an injury to the muscles in my chest that acts up from time to time and that night it was doing it in spades.
The I talked to my GP today and he said it's possibly Anxiety. Well I said "but there is no tingling in my hands or panic feeling like when I have a panic attack". He said sometimes there is only the short of breath feeling.
Well now I am going to be trying meds for Anxiety (only when it gets strong) and see if it helps at all. I guess the rest of the time I just live with it, as this is a permanent thing right now and has been for alm…