Thursday, February 9, 2012

Neither Hot Nor Cold

So there is this little corner of the local internet I used to hang around in. I pulled my content after it degraded into madness. Posts from people who's heads are not screwed on right and so on... So first I am banned... Oh no! not banned. Then I am un-banned... After not being on for almost a year now I see that I am "being moderated". The moderator standing tall when he speaks of free speech and so on... Think about it. All for free speech when it is in your favor, but like most when it's not in your favor the freedom needs to be limited in their minds. Figure it our people... You stand for something or you don't there is no middle ground. God himself said, "So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth" Revelation 3:16...

Now go forth and stand for free will until you get buthurt, then hold onto the pain and react on it. ?;-)>

Huggles - Dave :)

Health Care Not Healthy...

This is my reaction to my Mother not qualifying for Long Term Care when the experts say she needs it. Also this experience has her on the verge of losing what little money she has. Her apartment needs to be let go of as she has not the money for the care she needs and the apartment. This may make her homeless in the end. She is 80 years old and is dying of lung cancer.

*Note there is no threat intended or desire to harm. This is a statement of fact.

I now know why people show up in government offices with a gun! This is my mothers life your MESSING WITH! She is soon to have no home to come back to. She can't walk 5 feet by herself. She can't speak a coherent sentence. She has stage 4 Lung cancer and you can see how she is failing by the day. There is no possibility for her to come home. She has no money left thanks to all you all who keep saying she does not qualify for long term care. She is at the end of her money and her time. I am at the end of my ability to stay calm and see what happens.

How many people have died too soon because you played these sick ass games with their lives? How many people took their own lives because of your sick ass games? How many families have had to sell their home to try and get their parent the care they needed? How many times do you not see what is being told to you by people far more able to make the right choice? And why do we keep saying we have medical care in Saskatchewan when in fact we have very little of it?
To state a fact, I will tell as many people as I can to stay as far away from Saskatchewan as they can. We have too few doctors. We have long lines for medical help. We have underfunded facilities. We have excellent staff leaving the province in record numbers to get paid what they should be paid here. We have a system that I believe to be predigest to first nations people and the old. We have a system that fails disabled people every day. We have far too many people moving bits of paper from one desk to the next instead of getting the job done. We put nurses in the place of trained professionals to do administration and then say look where is a shortage of nurses.

Now back to the personal level. My 80 year old Mother who has done more for people than any politician has ever done, is waiting to qualify for long term care. She is dying of lung cancer. She does not know where she is all the time. She can't express her needs or hold a conversion some days. She can not cook for her self. She has a great deal of difficulty in dressing her self. She can not go to the bathroom with out the aid of someone else. She can not clean her self. She does not understand money any more.

I am disabled and can not physically deal with the demands of her condition. If you have your way I will be alone in caring for her when I can't do the job. I moved into her building to take care of her and have had social services mess with me about the extra few bucks of rent I am getting. Not to mention that my taking care of her until I could no longer do it saved you thousands of dollars. I have been in a great deal of pain for almost a year every waking moment because I had the loving capacity to suck up the pain and be here for my Mother. I hid the tears from her so she did not feel bad I was in pain. There is no amount of money that would be enough to make me suffer the way I have. Yet I am messed with and when I send in a letter asking why things are being done outside of policy and regulation, I am ignored. Not to mention that that is an action that is against policy and/or the law.

You Mr. Brad Wall and your ilk have made this province a place not to come to. Not only for health care (or the lack there of) but for the lack of rent controls that the majority of the country has. There are people in growing numbers that are afraid to speak up, that see this as an attack on the poor by your government.
What have you done for the poor? What have you done for the third world conditions on the reserves in our province? What have you done to help the old and the sick and the vulnerable? What have you done for failing infrastructure? What have you done for the small farmers who are on the edge of losing it all? What have you done for the mentally ill? What have you done to stop children from being bullied until the end their lives or get violent? What have you done for the GBLTQ community? What have you done for immigrants who settle here? I will tell you, very little other than some speeches and token amounts of money tossed to failed programs.

You have not just failed me and my dying Mother, you have failed many. The sad thing is if this was to cross your desk it would be tossed away like the people who need your help. With a rapidly aging population, to sit on your butt and hold the line on taxes will end up in tragedy for many. I pray to God that you will see the light and do something not only for my Mother but for the many people who need the help and are not getting it.

Thank you for your time and God bless Saskatchewan.
David S. Nicholson.
Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Some Poems

David S. Nicholson Jan 21, 2012

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part.
God has you in his arms.
I have you in my heart.


That Place I Dare Not Go.
David S. Nicholson - November 27, 2011

Take me to that place I dare not go.
Take me to hell and raise me to heaven.
Blood dripping and leather stinging you talk to me so deeply.
In the hands of a mad woman or in the hands of a blessed angle?
I will submit to you and I will follow the dark light of my heart.
Take me to that place I dare not go.
Sin is only a word when you’re in my arms.
Tainted with the violence of your strong mind I run from what I must not turn from.
You are evil and you have shown me my soul turned inside out.
Yet I would give so much on a day like this to let you in.
There is however a calling in the depths of dark passion.
There is a feeling of a hand that leads me from you.
I must follow him and I must submit my will and my life.
You have no more power on me than a passing thought.
I am his and she is no more.


There Are No Words
David S. Nicholson - Jan 12 2012

Saw Mom today. There are no words to describe how I feel.
There is no reference point I can go from.
The shock of seeing her in such a mental state is almost more than I can take.
I am shaking and want to scream. I am truly in sock.
She is so delusional and so confused.
She tells me things happened to her I know can not have happened.
I want to scream, "GOD HOW COULD YOU ALLOW THIS"?
My world is crushed and all I knew has changed.
What can I say? There are no words...


When You Pass
David S. Nicholson - Jan 19 2012

You may have more money than anyone else. You may have the admiration of millions of people. You may be able to get what you want with a word; anything you want is yours. But in those last few moments, you have nothing and you are alone. You pass and nothing comes with you. You pass and you become nothingness.

You have nothing but your faith. More people hate you than will talk to you. You don’t know where your next meal is. You are cold in the night. But in those last few moments, you have everything and you are not alone. You pass and you see the glory of eternal peace. You pass and are with those gone before you and you know his glory.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Canadian Health Care Failed My Mother

She will be ignored and so will I. People who complain about how unfair things are around here are passed off as "radicals" or "reactionary". In Quebec people 65 and over don't pay for ambulance here they pay $250 to go 4 blocks in one. Even in the US people who qualify get free home care, here you pay for it. Low income and no savings don't seem to matter, the bills roll in as she dies and the government of Saskatchewan does not care. I am far from able to take proper care of her as I am disabled myself. This may just end up with me in the hospital and her with no one to take care of her at all. Then what happens? She falls or needs help and she gets another bill she can't afford to pay. In the end if there is enough money left over for her to pay her life insurance at least there will be money to bury her. But at the rate things are going there will be nothing left at all. Then what? Another unmarked grave for someone who gave a lifetime to this province and to many people. There is no compassion and there is a strong movement by our current government to switch to for profit health care. This is a woman with stage 4 lung cancer who can hardly stand up on her own. She can't afford more time in the so called care home and have a place to live when there is no money left to give them. So it's off home for her long before it's reasonable to send her home. I will do what I can until I am unable to do any more. I will die rather than let her suffer alone. If it puts me in the hospital so be it. If it kills me so be it. If I am in unimaginable pain the entire time, I will do my best to hide it from her and do what I can. I am one person and I am alone in caring for my dyeing Mother. It is OK to me that I will end up in an unmarked grave, as there will be no one to grieve for me. It is not OK to me that she has that fate and nor should it be OK in your mind. If you read this and have the least bit of compassion in your heart share this with who ever you can.

Pray for us, we need it.

Peace - Dave S. Nicholson
Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, Canada.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

pain in my soul

I have a pain in my soul.
I can't make it stop.
It grows stronger every day.
I see people so happy and I think of her so sad.
I see people running about and think of her in bed.
How cruel life can be.
How scaring it can be.
Oh God make me strong.