Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Princess Crazy - Rant...

I love my bat shit crazy neighbor. She is obviously one of the lest intelligent people I have ever encountered. Not to mention the paranoid mindset. She make more noise than the rest of the building put together. She often slams the door or bangs around in her apartment early in the morning or late at night. Yes the supposed sound of me typing keeps her from sleeping. I know the walls are thin here but are you joking me with that one? Best thing is, she is not joking. Any other person makes a peep it's an atrocity against her personally. Yet the music will be up loud when the male friend is over. Not to mention I have never in my life encountered someone who takes a bath more times a day than she does. Sometimes it seems she is running a bath 5 times a day. Not to mention the idea in her small brain that the world revolves around her.

Did I mention the amount of loud ass singing of songs that make no sense at all? Yes and in passing she looks at me with this asshole look and says, "Oh look it's my favorite neighbor".

I wish I could go three days in a row without being wakened by the sounds of her in the middle of the night doing what ever it is. If I hear her touching herself boisterously one more time I will scream. There is a pattern to the madness as well. She is the most quiet on the weekends. Then by Friday out of her mind once more. This indicates to me that she is scheduled for some kind of treatment once a week for the goings on in her mind.

It also appears that her granny is taking care of the bills. I wonder what will happen to crazy the self centered princess when she croaks? The other question is why is there always a crazy woman living in the same building with me and why do the always fixate on me?

Oh you must remember Diane... The one who I saw take my news paper then called the cops on me when I told her to give it back. Oh for the days when someone as normal as that was around.

But oh well, what do I know. I am not the center of the universe, she is. Why is it the more crazy someone is the less likely they are to know they are crazy? They also tend to see others around them as crazy. Oh the never ending stream of this behavior in this city I tell you. Good old Mr. crazy Gay Guy and his kicking a friend and I out of a store one day. His reason, "you know why"... Well if I where to guess it's because your mental. Then again this is the same person who went around saying that a large group of gay men from the city where telling employers he was a pedo with aids. Where the hell did that one come from and why would like 30 people be in on this? BTW he was fired from his job in the store and banned from coming back. Something about hitting on a teen boy who worked there. He thinks we are all crazy by the way - see a pattern forming?

Seems the bathing with Princess the wonder crazy has calmed down. This is good I don't want the rent to go up because the water is all the sudden twice the usage as before.

Why do crazy people like to tap on walls? The one that was above where Mom lived did it all day. This one does it several times a day. The one above another person I know is doing it all day. Do they hang lots of photos on the wall? Or do the voices in their head want to help redecorate now and then?

Oh don't think of me as cold to their plight. I was on that side of the fence once. I was hearing God tell me to do things. Thank God a good friend got me to the hospital and the kept me for a while. Then the meds kicked in and I was much better. But first I almost died from reacting to the meds they gave me before fixing me. Sigh... Hell now with all the saving of money and all at our hospitals, they would more than likely just tell me the voices in my head where the flue and send me home. But that is another rant...

Have a good one all. Dave :)

Monday, December 30, 2013

Misty and Mischief

 This is Misty and she was very interested in my beer. I had to take it away.

 Misty with her human Dale.
 This is Mischief. He is very aptly named. His sister is a lot more calm.

 Yes this TV works fine. Yes that is a VCR.
My Fire-Safe. I have my important DVD's in it as well as my Will and Medical directive and insurance. Got a USB thumb drive in there as well with important things on it.


Sunday, December 29, 2013

Comedic Rant



Not even close to the same thing...


Photo Time

 Flavored olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
Very spicy nuts.
BBQ Sauce with a hat.
 Some of the best coffee I ever had. Mailed to me by a great friend.
 Christmas Dinner. Ham, Cabbage Rolls, Veggies, Spud Paddies and Gibsons 12 year old Blended Whiskey.
 Left over cabbage rolls. Not getting them again - too much Rosemarie. From now on I stick to Co-Op ones - they ROCK.
 Messy.
 Very Messy.
 Pasta (no glutton), Veggies, Spud Paddy, Fish Sticks.
 Coffee no Flash.
 This is GOOD coffee.
 No idea Why.
 Thanks to the owner of the building for the Cookies :) They where very good.

Coffee with Flash.

Dave Needs Sleep... Or A Life...










Sleep don't come easy

I got to love it. I fall asleep and 20 minutes later have to take a piddle. Then I try to sleep more. Not going to happen. The Pain level is up and the brain is active as well. I find it strange that when the Fibro flairs (they can last days) are bad not not over the top bad, my brain starts to want to do things. Any things. Sort the laundry, do the dishes, type this blog, take photos of everything I can think of, do some digital painting or 3D art. The list goes on and on. The thing is you really can hear everything in this building that the folks next door are doing. So I can't hardly start to do dishes or what not. There are limits.

Then again. I have had problems sleeping since I was 10. This is when it all went wrong you see. My brain changes some how. Maybe it was from the 2 or 3 good bangs to the head I got. Maybe it's genetic. In any event, the voices where uncommon then - just my name here and there when I was alone. But the depression and the manic times hit big time when I was in my teens. Then there was no sleeping for days on end. Just naps here and there more like.

Today the voices never stop, so there is no quiet time for me. They only time I don't really hear them is when I am deeply into doing something with my brain. Like when I am typing or doing a vlog or some art. Thank God the manic times are all but past and the depression is all but gone. Sure on Christmas day I was down and feeling sorry for myself and so on, but not full out curl up in a ball depressed. The I want to build a fence at 3am feeling does not hit me at all now. Instead I get up a little and my brain is active. I don't have the physical rush that I used to get.

Now on for the adult part. Sexual urges... Well to say the least they went away for about 3 years for the most part. Then I decided that God would like me to stop boffing random people from the interwebs. So I have not had sexual contact with anyone at all in 4 years. Only thing is my sex drive went threw the roof. What does this have to do with sleep? It gets worse when I am tired. Just ass backward from everyone else. Do I need to mention that when I do the task myself (hint hint) the "O" is massive. In the day I could "O" for 3 to 5 min - no shit, no lie. It did not spurt the entire time, but the rest of it happened. Now it's contained to about 40 to 75 seconds. But the sensation (full body) is out of this world. I am talking the most intense thing I have ever experienced this includes the time I tried coke (not the drink - won't never do that again). Then the brain goes off. I see flashes of light and patterns of color. I hear music and smell bacon (no kidding here most of the time it's bacon).

You would think after that, sleep would come easy. Well it did when I was 30 or less. Now I am even more awake after all the zooming threw hyperspace. Oh well. At least I can sort my photos and so on... Maybe I will backup my videos and photos that I have not burned to DVD yet.

That reminds me - this Western Digital 2 TB USB 3 drive ROCKS. I installed the apps with it and it backs up all the files in all the folders I marked to back up - every time there is a change. If I add them, it adds them. If I remove them, it removes them. And did I mention that it took less than 13 min to dump 62GB onto the thing? Oh hell yes...

Anyways time to burn some backups - HA it's 4:20 am - And yes I was thinking of a YT friend who is setting up her home grow setup... I hope it works well for her... Oh and she has a permit to do it - so no worries...

Roller chick

Got to love when people come home after midnight and talk very loud in the halls. After all ther are the only important person alive.

I have to wonder is they are raised in a barn. Not to mention the drama of slamming doors at 3am and yelling at you now ex bf. then to replace him the next day. Lacking in morals I have to say.

This is why I say I will never have a quiet day. Someone has to be singing in the bath or talking to the voices. Or there has to be after bar banter and door slams. Just to keep it all interesting I guess.

Oh for the days of the mobal home park. It was always quiet there. No parties. No drunk tards. No fights. No blowing horns. No trucks docking at 2am. I miss that. I also miss everyone liking and respecting each other. Those days are lost now.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Holiday Fun? Not...

OMG OMG OMG 4 thumbs down for the Christmas vlog HAHAHA... 1 From Switzerland of all places. Either my stalker has finally figured out how to use a browser tunnel or I ticked some folks off by not being a ray of sunshine... Sorry folks but there are a LOT of people who have a very bad time on the holidays... Not all of us can be vibrating with enthusiasm for a day meant to be with family when we either don't have one or can't be with them for some reason.

But it's a reason to be sarcastic so it's a win for me - hehehe - Dave :)

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Play List of the Day

01 ZZ Top - Legs
02 ZZ Top - Tush
03 ZZ Top - La Grange
04 ZZ Top - Brown Sugar
05 John Fogerty - Centerfield
06 John fogerty - Rock and roll girls
07 John fogerty - Hot Rod Heart
08 Commander Cody - Hot Rod Lincoln
09 Beach Boys - Little Deuce Coupe
10 Jan And Dean - Deadman's Curve
11 Steve Earle - Copperhead Road
12 David Allan Coe - The Ride
13 Waylon Jennings - I`ve Always Been Crazy
14 Waylon Jennings - Good Hearted Woman
15 Waylon Jennings - Good Ol' Boys
16 The Soggy Bottom Boys - I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow
17 The Soggy Bottom Boys - Cry,Cry,Cry
18 The Soggy Bottom Boys - Boys Mean Eyed cat
19 The Soggy Bottom Boys - Doin My Time
20 The Gospel Plowboys - What A Day That Will Be
21 The Gospel Plowboys - Lord I Want to Go to Heaven
22 A Southern Gospel Revival - Ben Hester - In The Sweet By And By
23 A Southern Gospel Revival - Courtney Patton - Welcome Table
24 A Southern Gospel Revival - Drew Kennedy - Angel Band
25 A Southern Gospel Revival - Jamie Wilson - Ain't No Grave
26 The Outlaws - Me and Paul
27 The Outlaws - Heaven or Hell
28 The Outlaws - T For Texas
29 Tom T Hall - The Year That Clayton Delaney Died
30 Tom T Hall - Old Dogs And Children And Watermelon Wine
31 Boxcar Willie - Wabash Cannonball
32 Boxcar Willie - Winds OF Yesterday Blow On Me
33 Willie Nelson with Ray Charles - Seven Spanish Angels

Monday, December 23, 2013

Oh SHUT UP!

Entire websites have sprung up over a backwoods redneck saying what he thinks of Gay folks... This is just too much folks - I know he is wrong and what he said was not PC, but heck - give it the hell up already. He is not the devil or a victim. Ya know no one keeps going on about the people we get out OIL from killing Gay people... So why is some TV star so much more important that that fact?

Sunday, December 22, 2013

12 BDSM days of Christmas (forget who sent it to me)...

On the 1st day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
A Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 4th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 5th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS,.4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 7th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 8th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 9th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 10th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees

On the 11th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
11 Pairs of Stockings, 10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...
12 Orgasms Screaming, 11 Pairs of Stockings, 10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Happy Holidays 2013

Happy Holidays all in the great year of 2013. Feel free to use this image as you wish.

Peace - Dave :)

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Light Streaks.

4 light streaks in the shot. 2 not as easy to see... Only light in the room was the flash. All but 1 are moving in the same direction. 1 by the fridge is most obvious. Then over the door moving up. Next by the big mug on the cabinets last on the cabinets on the far left...

YouTube Hits Users Again...

Gamers are all going down it seems :( The thing is - game videos SELL GAMES. I am not or never will be a gamer - but I can see this is not only stupid, but it is also a pointless punishment of people for helping you. Think about it. This is contrary to LAW. It's all stupid pointless grabs for money. Nothing less.

Monday, December 9, 2013

You Must Log In

So if you unlink your Windows 8.1 from Outlook.com and make it local so you don't have to log on, then you can't check you mail any more... Freaking thing wants you to link to outlook right away. And if you do it puts the password back on so you need to log on all the darn time. What I hate is if you leave it alone for 15 min it will hit the lock screen and you have to enter the darn password again. No place to tell it not to do that. The two hacks I found don't work as well. The place in the registry does not exist and the one with the hidden program does nothing as well. Oh well... Maybe I will change the password to F*** Off - so I have the satisfaction of telling it off every time.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Life Begins Again.

When I was in my 20's I just wanted to fight and die. Now I want to live so strongly I can't believe it. I used to say, "I don't want to live forever". Now I do want to. All the people I know where damaged in some way as a child. I almost said yes to my youth pastor when he obviously wanted sex from me. I was I think 12. I just felt so good to be wanted by someone. I did not understand and when I did it fucked up my life (only word strong enough). My folks where to say the least strict at times and being that my Mom was mentally ill I got spanked many times for no reason. But I never blamed them. Even as a child I knew what was going on in that situation. Things changed when my Dad finally realized about Mom. But it kind of tainted how I saw them for ever. But all in all I struggled with it all and my own mental illness. I was strong and I prevailed. Now that I am sick and in pain. I often think time is short. I sometimes wish I would just go out in my sleep. But then I want another day. I will always want another day. I stopped praying for the pain to end, yet I hold onto God. Now I pray for others instead of myself. When it's for me, it's only to be forgiven for my knife like sarcasm that I often use. But in the end I know know that once you know your mortal, life begins again.

Hugs and Love - Dave :)

Thursday, November 28, 2013

We are a moment and no more

We are a moment and no more.
The world turn to dust in the days to come.
Man has lost his place a long time ago.
History is gone and soon we all will be as well.
The sands of time are at an end.
This one moment and no more.
One life is not enough.
We long for eternity.
Yet we can not even perceive it.
This last act and then the world is gone.
One more task before we fade away.
In the end there will be nothing once more.
In the beginning there was nothing to start with.
It is a moment of time in all of forever.
From nothing to nothing.
We are a joke that want to be a epic story.
Man kind if and was and will be no more.
The struggles for power are meaningless.
We push the button and burn the oil.
We eat the burgers and don't think about it.
We pray that we live on and think that it's just now.
The moment has almost past.
The time of man all but gone.
Nothing will know we existed in time.
We are a flash.
There is flesh and pleasure but once.
Live or be lost.
For in the end there is the void...

David S. Nicholson - November 28, 2013 - 12:38am

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

I am a self destructive dumb ass.

Hi my name is Dave and I am a self destructive dumb ass, who insists on killing himself by binge eating. I know the pizza will make me sick all darn night, yet I order it. Then I eat all but 2 slices of an extra large pizza myself. I know there is a reason for this and I know fill well what it is. Still I do it. Still I always think it will make me feel good and while I am cramming the food into my face it feels like I am in my mothers arms. The moment I realize I am so full it hurts and my tummy is so upset I can hardly stand it, the guilt hits me. Strange thing is, it's the guilt of being who I am that causes me to do this. That unresolved issue between myself as a sexual being and the fundamentalist faith that I once followed. This 4 year span of my life in a church that hate all people like me made me forever hate myself on some level. So every time I start feeling close to God I feel the guilt of being attracted to both men and women. This poison fills my brain and all that harm they did to me kicks in again. Will I never be rid of the feeling that gave me? How could I have ever been so blind as to want to be one of them. How could I think God would want to "fix" something that was never broken? God made me and God loves me. Why can I not just be happy with that? Because for 4 years I had it hammered into my brain that I was a monster that was hated by God. The entire time trying to be "normal". Oh the damage they did to me and I let them do it. Every time I went threw those doors I put myself on trial. I know God loves all, but the damage will never be undone. Thank you, you so called people of God for this ever lasting cycle. Thank you also for letting me see how evil you all are. My God, the only God - the true God is love. I will never forget that and I feel his hand on my shoulder right now. Forgive me Lord for the harm I do to myself and for failing to be the best I can be. Keep me strong, even though I know like today I will fall. You are the one who will lift me up. You free me. Thank you Lord.

Dave S. Nicholson - November 27, 2013 - 9:47pm

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Listen and Want to Listen

Have you ever felt empty? I don't mean bored or alone. I mean empty. The kind of dead inside feeling that makes you want to stop living. Well, I have. I was on the edge of giving up and checking out. I did all kinds of things to make the pain inside stop. The number one this was to let others hurt my body. To let them screw me and beat me. I did not know anything but anger for myself. To be angry was so much more easy than to be in pain inside. To be hurting on the outside was to distract from the inside.

I also drank to kill the pain inside. To try and run from who I was. I don't think of myself as an addict, as I can just have one beer and be done with it. But then I drank to not know what my mind thought of me. I drove my car very fast in the dark all alone and turned the lights off. I had sex with people I did not know just to try and be... Or feel...

I know it's not in fashion these days to talk about a love for God. But this is what changed my world. This is what made me who I am now. The one who can be there for others and the one who will never give up. I am not talking words in a book or a building to gather with others. I am talking about sitting in a park on a warm day and feeling the wind touch me soul.

When my father died I kind of died. I did not care any more. The world was a thing not a being. Now the world to me is alive and I am a part of it. I have listened and heard the voice of God say my name and speak of my worth. I have seen the day rise and fall and was stuck with the awesome power of the universe. I am complete because I believe in God.

I am not saying you must think like me. If you are getting that message you are reacting not to what I say, but what you think I am saying. All I say is that without God I would be no one. Without God my Mother would have died alone, frightened and knowing I went before her. But because of God I was there for her every day until her last breath was taken in front of my eyes. And I know I will see her again. As I will see all I have loved that have gone before me.

Two days before my Mom passed on to the next life. I felt as if someone was in the room with me. I knew she was going soon. I felt it was her sister. The last words I heard my Mom speak where, “I see you there Jain”. Then I never herd her speak again.

The day she died I was out with friends. They where late to pick me up – very late. But if they where on time I would have been home alone and would not have been able to get to Mom in her last moment. I did not order food that night and they did. Also strange. My friend got me there on time and in 20 minutes she was gone. This to me is more than just luck. It is too much happening at the same time to just be luck. This was the work of a higher power guiding me to the right time and place with the right people.

Be who you wish to be. But if these words move you, there is a reason. Listen and want to listen. You may hear the voice of God. It might not be literal. It might be a bird singing. It might be a stranger saying, “Good day”. It might be a lost cat wanting your help. But that voice is there. That love is there for you. You do not have to believe in God, but he believes in you. This world is full of hate and hurt and it is full of love and wonder. Chose your path wisely. It is more than just this life you have. Chose to be good and to do good. You will be rewarded.

Peace – Dave S. Nicholson
November 16, 2013

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Art and a Message

Latest bit of art (cemetery).
 
Almost called 911 tonight. Had a spike of pain in my chest and almost went to the floor. But every time I go I get ignored. The have flagged all the people with a history of mental illness here. So we don’t get treated, instead they just think it’s in our heads and pass us over then send us home. It’s happened to me many times. The sad thing is this was on the news and the government admitted to doing it. No one cared at all. They call it “hot spotting”. So I just sit here waiting to die one of these days. I know I won’t get them to take me seriously so I don’t go any more. This is the 3rd time in 2 weeks this has happened. I see the heart doctor on the 14th. It’s to the point that I have given up eating right and instead I am just having what I like now. I stopped giving a shit. I am almost sure I won’t last 5 more years… I intend to enjoy ever last moment of it.

Peace - Dave.

P.S. Thank you Five Hills Health Region for making me loose all faith in our medical system.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Hugs to you sad little man.

7 Years.

For 7 years the same psychotic dolt has been stalking me on YouTube.

How long does it take for a stupid person to realize I don't care that he "hates me".

I do completely understand his sexual attraction to me conflicts with his fundamentalist religious beliefs and so on. But the fact that almost all of his sock accounts where using women's names should spark something in his small mind. But he continues to go on and on and on about pointless things that I am at peace with. His use of the term, "jail cell" - to describe peoples homes, shows that he has spent time in jail. This is something I already know that, as I know he spent time in prison as a sex offender.

At best this is an annoyance for 1 maybe 2 minutes. Then I move on with my happy day, interacting with people who I love and that love me. He on the other hand needs to be pitied, as he will never know love in any form. He hates himself and when he sees his own traits in others, he attacks.

The fact that he frequents the soup kitchen in his city, is more proof of his failing in life at every turn. You can not be as angry as him and keep a job. All the good jobs will look into your past and the criminal record will keep him form having them. When you do nothing but attack people for being happy or who have the traits you hate in yourself, then employment only lasts a few days. You soon get a reputation in your community and you are out of options. Then it's time for the soup kitchen.

I will pray for you sad man with gender identity and sexuality issues. God loves you and so do I, even in your rage and anger. I pray that you find some peace in your life and that you find a way to love yourself. Big hugs to you sad and angry little man.

Peace - Dave.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

YouTube Comments

 Auto generated comments marked as spam. That worked.
 Best reaction to the comments change yet.
 Unable to reply to comments on my own videos.
One of the variations of the channel icon meant as a protest against Google.