My Old Companion Depression Has Come

My old companion depression has come to stay with me for a while once again. The dark clouds outside day after day are not helping. But here in my city, it’s the norm to be overcast and this time of year, and through the winter there are heavy clouds and not much sunlight gets to my windows.

To be honest, it feels like I’ve said these words to the world before, but they have vanished before anyone could see them. I think it’s the same for a lot of people with depression. After a while you stop wanting to try to explain it to people, as they think you can just choose to be happy and that will fix it all. The reality that it’s your brain betraying you seems to be beyond what they can possibly know.

My fibromyalgia is also acting up. When the weather goes below 10C outside, it seems to always be this way. The flairs get stronger and more often in the fall and winter months. Being that it’s not actually that cold yet, it’s only a taste of what is to come in the brutally cold months in Saskatchewan.

The arthritis in my knees is always an issue as well. The left knee is 10 times worse than the right. All the pain in my body is worse on the left side. I had a doctor tell me this is often the case. The shot I got in my knee worked for about 3 weeks, then it stopped. It was a dream to be low pain for a while. But in the end, I can’t get another for some time, I’m told they can only do it every 6 months.

I’ve been deeply longing for family and friends who have passed. The person I loved the most in this world has been gone over a year now and I will never hear her laugh again. We had such good times over coffee or a movie. Then there is family – my brother gone 8 years now, dead of an overdose. Mother has been gone for 13 years from cancer. Dad has been gone for 33 years – he died in the car beside me on the way home from the hospital of a massive heart attack. And so many others that have passed or have drifted away from my life.

All of this is on my mind, and it seems to be playing in a loop right now. The memories of what will never again be a weight on my shoulders.

For those of you that know this feeling I offer hope you find comfort. This time of year is always the worst for those with depression and we often feel so very alone. Let us not forget that for most of us, there are people who are there to listen and to comfort. Learn on them and do your best. But cry if you need and have no shame for it. Try hard not to use dark means to kill the pain, it’s not worth it in the end.

We will get through this. Hugs and Love.

Comments

Post a Comment

Most Popular In Last 30 Days

John, The Book of Revelation, and Mushrooms

Image
Where the book of Revelation of written has a lot to do with it's context it may seem. Definitely the reason why John was on this island had an influence in his vision of the future. It also echoes other parts of the bible. I'm here today to talk about the mushrooms on said island and the idea of spirituality and the magic mushroom. "John wrote the Book of Revelation while he was on the island of Patmos, an Aegean island where he was exiled due to anti-Christian persecution under the Roman emperor Domitian. This location is widely accepted among biblical historians and is significant in the context of the text." - Bible Probe Here is a blog post from the actual people who take care of this island and the fact that John may have eaten magic mushrooms. Now for the sake of this blog, I'm going to assume that he consumed the mushrooms. I'm also going to look at my own belief in the Christian Bible in a light that some Christians won't find in good taste at al...
Read more

COMMODORE 64 COLOR CODES

Image
Following is the color codes to reproduce the C64 colors in PhotoShop or other similar graphics programs. Now you too can pixel paint just like the old 8 bit days with 16 colors. RGB  0 = $000000 RGB  1 = $FFFFFF RGB  2 = $924A40 RGB  3 = $84C5CC RGB  4 = $9351B6 RGB  5 = $72B14B RGB  6 = $483AAA RGB  7 = $D5DF7C RGB  8 = $675200 RGB  9 = $C33D00 RGB 10 = $C18178 RGB 11 = $606060 RGB 12 = $8A8A8A RGB 13 = $B3EC91 RGB 14 = $867ADE RGB 15 = $B3B3B3
Read more

The Struggle Is Real?

Image
I just saw a video of a person saying, "The struggle is real." about their income and the price of food and gas. Here's the deal, the guy has 6 Tomahawk Steak on the BBQ. I priced them in Canada as he was Canadian. They range from $97.00 to $279.95 each steak. Say he's got the least expensive version. This is $582 of meat for one meal for his family. I am alone, but I spend only a bit less than $200 a month of groceries, and have a couple of treats near the start of the month - so lets say $250.00 His one round of meat for one meal is 2.328 X more than my entire month of eating. The stores in my city don't sell these steaks as no one here has the ability to get them on average, so they don't sell. You can however get frozen lobster if you like. It's a lot, but not $97.00. I miss seeing the lives lobsters in the tank at superstore - they don't have that now. It's been a long time in fact. Again, no one was buying them after the 1990's started. I...
Read more

July Blogging Challenge Day 28

Image
Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical? Non-physical. I am rather fond of my ability to think better than average. I hate to say it, but I think the average person these days has no idea how to correctly process and discern information. They just believe what ever is told them for the most part. As for problem solving, forget it for most people under 40 these days it seems. Yes some young folk are totally on the ball and can think properly, but most, not so much. It also seems that a lot of people in my generation have just stopped thinking and just go with whatever is fed them from the sources they prefer - be it complete bull shit and obviously fake as hell, or not. Thought is not important to the average person anymore. They rely on being told everything.
Read more