Saying Goodbye Before It's Too Late To Say It

Possible causes of heart failure include (Have or had all of these):
Sleep apnea
Abnormal heart rhythm
High blood pressure
Heart attack

Signs of Heart Failure:
You feel light-headed or dizzy, especially when you stand up or increase your activity. (5 or 6 years complaining of this to the doctors)
You cannot walk as far you normally can. (2 years complaining of this to the doctors)
You feel bloated or your clothes feel tighter than normal. (yup)
You have swelling in your feet, ankles, legs, or even up into the belly. (all of them and been saying it for 2 or 3 years)
Sudden increase in body weight where you gain more than 4 pounds (2 kilos) in 2 days. (65lbs in 2 months)
You feel uneasy, like something does not feel right. (OK had this for like 20 years or more)
You feel confused and have trouble thinking clearly. (complained of this for 2 years or more)
You feel short of breath when you do daily activities. (been saying this for several years now)
You find it harder to breathe when resting or lying down. (a good 2 years complaining of this to the doctors)
You find it easier to sleep by adding pillows or by sitting up in a chair. (for about 2 years)
You cough often, especially when lying down. (the last 4 months I been coughing all day every day)
You feel your heart racing, jumping, or pounding in your chest. (been telling the doctor this for at least 3 years)

Most people die within five years of onset. Well if I look at my history, I can literally die any time now. More than likely it's way too late by now. Sigh. Oh well we all die I guess. Literally I am quite ready for it. I have been in so much pain for so long now that it might just be a blessing to not be alive any more. When you are dead there is no pain. After Mom passed away, I rather stopped fearing death and saw it as a release from this world. I also do want to live for a long time yet, but I don't care if it's today that the end comes. It's so strange when I say that to people, I don't think people not in my situation can understand this.

Right now I am so dizzy I can hardly keep from passing out. I have a strange feeling in my chest like a fluttering. It's only slightly a worry to me though. For some reason this is not bothering me much. I think it is bothering the people who love me a lot more than it is me in fact. I know it really set off my best friend when I told he and he kind of lost it there for a moment. Oh well. Shit happens...

So what can I say? Goodbye word. I have loved this life to the last moment and I am happy for all of it. The good the bad, it all made me who I am and that brought me close to a lot of good people. What can I say? I love you all and I know you will miss me. But know I believe there is a better place after this. A place of pure love and happiness. I will see you there one day and we will dance and be marry.

Peace and Love - Dave.


  1. NO! you will be fine, do not let your mind take over now it i not healthy at all.

    1. I think it is actually. No fear this way. As I said, I want to live a long time. I will try my best to do so. I don't quit.

  2. Please do some sort of exercise. Perhaps walking one flight of stairs, just to the following floor and back up. Walk the hallways. Please Dave I want you to stick around!

    1. I climb 3 flights twice a day almost every day. It's getting harder and harder. I am doing literally all I can do. I'm not going to just lay in bed and wait. That is NOT who I am. Hugs. I hope this can be fixed but I also know it's almost impossible.

    2. The problem is too much exsersize might destroy the heart, best thing is to lay off fatty foods BUT you also want to have a good time, ugh this is frustrating.

  3. Now watch me live 25 years just because this would seem silly then...

  4. Don't you dare die on me, you hear me. It might be selfish of me to ask you to hang in there, but that's exactly what I'm doing.

    I've lost far too many people that I love over the course oft the past decade ... don't you be one of them.

    In 25 years from now I'll be 94, I don't think I'll have a computer in the nursing home, but hey if they do, I hope we'll still be sharing stories of our lives.

    Hugs my friend ... take care!

  5. One's heart has to pump TWO systems: Circulatory - for blood, and Lymphatic - to move lymph out of the body. Your presentation, above, shows your heart is too weak to do both jobs. The build-up of lymph fluid is causing a lot of swelling, bloating, and is a big factor in your weight gain. That build-up has to be addressed and SOON. (It's also screwing your immune system.)

    1. Got new pills to try and fix the fluid. Its also supposed to extends my life. Will see what happeens.

    2. Got new pills to try and fix the fluid. Its also supposed to extends my life. Will see what happeens.

  6. dave u be ok u my best friend i will be lost if u go i love u man as a best friend and a person love u bud

    1. I'm sure there will be years yet. I'm fighting this.

  7. dave u be ok u my best friend i will be lost if u go i love u man as a best friend and a person love u bud


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