A Blog in 6 Parts

I Am Reminded: This is said to be a sign that an angel or a dead loved one is looking down on you from heaven. Mom really did believe this and actually said a prayer ever time she saw 11:11 on a clock. She believed in a lot of things like this. Being she was super Catholic, you would think she would not at first - however I know several Catholics are are superstitious as heck. In any event, I believe that I will see my parents again one day after death. I am not all that sure about my brother, he lead a very bad life, and screwed over a hell of a lot of people and did a lot of bad with his life. But anyway, I think of mom every time I see 11:11 on the clock - I have to admit, it happens a lot when I'm thinking of her - there is the idea that I'm just noticing it more because I'm thinking of her though.
A Long Vlog: Well a blog post I shared on Facebook in 2016 came up in my Facebook memories. I read it and it flooded back some bad memories. So I went on and on in a vlog. I literally lost track of time and it ended up about 29 minutes in length. I do talk of other things, but I had a rather good poke at a former friend in the vlog. It has been a long time of mostly being quiet about it all, but I let it all hand out this time to say the least - I told all as they say. I got a lot more snarky than I normally do, but dang it, I've been holding in a lot of anger over it for many years now. And that I let him back in, then he fucked me over again - leaves a lot to be expressed. It felt very good to let this all out of me to say the least.
8 Years Ago: I was about 100 lbs. heavier in this photo than I am at this moment in time. You would never know, because in the 8 years it's been, my face, and belly have sagged a heck of a lot and there is all this loose skin and to me my face looks very different. I have lost a massive amount of weight, so it's to be expected that I have a lot of sagging going on. I don't think I'll loose another 100 though. I seem to be stuck at around this level. I have been about 20 or so lbs. less in this year though. But it goes up and down a bit. The edema hits like clockwork at the start of every month and poof I put on 30 lbs. and it sucks, as it's mostly my legs and feet - they hurt and I can't wear the stockings for this, as they ride down and cut into me and cut off circulation. I can't be pulling them up with the special gloves you need 20 times a day, I just can't.
I Love Pusheen: This is my favorite thing in the world. If I lost her, I'd grieve just as much as if I lost a child. No joke, she means a hell of a lot to me. She is from the first run of the toys being made (Pusheen the Cat). Another company makes them now and they look different. This can't be replaced at all, it's not possible. She is a bit dirty from handling her many times a day for a very long time, but I love her so bloody much. I don't give a shit if you don't think it's "manly" or what the hell ever - I'm going to play with her, and pretend to feed and care for her as long as I can. When I'm depressed or having a panic attack, holding her helps me a lot. Focusing on her makes life better. She is a blessing if you ask me. I have many Pusheen toys, but this one is part of my life in a deep and meaningful way that I can't express properly - after all, how do you express love for a child to someone who has no child? You just can't.
On the Boardwalk: This is Wakamow Valley (the Moose Jaw River). I took this a few years ago in the summer at night. I've not been there at night in years now. I've been to the park, but only in the tress and on the grass. I've not walked the boardwalk in years - and I want to do it. Maybe next coffee outing I can talk my friend to taking me there so I can walk. I'll be in bad shape by the time I'm done with the coffee outing - I always am - but I'm risk it and put up with the pain for the pure joy of being there and looking over the water. I'd rather be at the lookout in the provincial park, but I don't want to pay a whack of money to get in there just for 30 minutes of looking out over the lake from above. If I come into money, I'm sure going out there however. For now, the goal is the boardwalk in Wakamow. I've got a lot of memories of late night talks on that boardwalk with people who are no longer alive or no longer in my life. I miss the old days, and what I wouldn't giver for one day with those lost friends and family.
My Big Toe: This is my toe LOL. I took  this a while ago to show someone how dry the skin was on my feet and legs. It's hard for me to bend over without a great deal of pain, so I don't put lotion on as often as I should. The effect is from a program I have on my PC that you can't get anymore - the company is toast and no download site has it anymore. I am lucky to have my copy saved in many places, so I won't loose it. I enjoy it a lot. It's "Virtual Photographer." There may now be another out there with the name, but this program is long gone now. I've used it so many times and enjoy the many effects.


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