Answering Some Deep Questions

1 - If you could give any advice to someone young who is starting their adult life, what advice would that be?

Find your path. Look in unexpected places and with strangers. If it is not what you expect or maybe not what you want, don't fear it, embrace it. I'm talking you path in life, not your job, but who you really are inside. It took me ages to find who I really am, but it was worth the effort. If it is part of your path, than find God on your terms, not on the terms of an establishment. If God is not part of that path, don't feel less for it and don't be angry of those who chose faith - we are all different and no two of us see the world quite the same. Seek joy and companionship if desired, but don't make it your life entirely. Explore where and when you can, but don't be foolish and harm yourself with that exploration.

2 - Have you ever thought God failed you at any point in your life? Why?

Yes when I lost the ability to work at a young age, I thought God had abandoned me. Then I thought there was no God. However God showed me signs I could not ignore - things I can't explain. Every time I wanted to turn my face away, there was some random person who would say something meaningful to me that put me back on my walk with God. I honestly don't think there is one true religion - I think God has many faces for many people and the path to the Lord my God is a wide path and has room for different ways to getting there.

It would take too long to explain all the signs, as there where very man, but here is one. I was very down and Mom could no longer talk - She could not say she loved me or she was glad I was there, but her face lit up when I came in the room. Still I felt abandoned. There was this slender woman of about 5 foot height and long blond hair. She looked rather young. She said to me, "I know your Mom does not tell you, but she tells us she loved you and appreciates you all the time." I passed it off, as Mom could no longer talk. I wanted after to thank her. I asked about her and described her - I was told there was no one like that working that day, but I'm not the first person to see this mystery women. She had to be an angel, there is no other explanation.

3 - Looking back at everything you’ve lived through, faced, and overcome on your own: what is the lesson you make a point of holding closest to your heart today?

God will never walk away, and my friends will always be there for me. I have many supports to help me deal with all this pain and anxiety and panic attacks. They will always be there. This is what keeps me strong. I forget this from time to time, but it always comes back to me soon. When I need something, I will always get it. The lesson is basically that love will Transend the suffering and lead you to a better place every time. I am never alone.

4 - If you could meet your mother today, just for a few moments, what would you say to her? And what do you think she would say to you?

We would both say I love you so much, and that we are grateful we had such love in our lives. I probably would not have survived my 30's if it was not for her love and God knows how much more her suffering would be in the end months if I was to just abandon her like so many people do these days. I think she knows I hid the pain when I was taking care of her and when I walked every day to the home to visit - it did not matter the weather, I went anyway. She was important and I want her to know that.

5 - You speak openly about your physical and emotional pain, which helps a lot of people. And I know that genuine comfort can feel daunting - accepting a comforting embrace and letting yourself be cared for at your most vulnerable seems harder than facing everything alone.

But there is a fine line between sharing pain and letting someone actually tend to it. Why do you think that, in the moments when loneliness or pain hit the hardest, the 'natural' reaction is isolation instead of sending a friend a 'take care of me' message? Is it to protect yourself, or is it to 'protect' and spare the very friend you need?

I think it is a natural response. When an animal is sick, it gets quiet and stays away from the others. I think it is to lessen the pain in the mind that we are feeling along with the pain in the body. There is comfort in isolation at times when you are suffering. People might say or do things that damage us emotionally and we don't want that risk. As well I think it is instinct that we separate from the pack (tribe) when we are not well, for the good of the pack. It draws predators away and makes it less likely to make the others sick. But for an evolved being like we are, I think it is to keep from being damaged be mistake. There is also the desire not to be pitied, this is a social leaning thing - we are told it is weakness to need help from so many places and it sticks with us.

Thank you Raphael for these thought provoking questions to answer - they where therapeutic in a way.