Dave Nicholson

Have you ever felt empty? I don't mean bored or alone. I mean empty. The kind of dead inside feeling that makes you want to stop living. Well, I have. I was on the edge of giving up and checking out. I did all kinds of things to make the pain inside stop. The number one this was to let others hurt my body. To let them screw me and beat me. I did not know anything but anger for myself. To be angry was so much more easy than to be in pain inside. To be hurting on the outside was to distract from the inside. I also drank to kill the pain inside. To try and run from who I was. I don't think of myself as an addict, as I can just have one beer and be done with it. But then I drank to not know what my mind thought of me. I drove my car very fast in the dark all alone and turned the lights off. I had sex with people I did not know just to try and be... Or feel... I know it's not in fashion these days to talk about a love for God. But this is what changed my world. This is what made...

Just watched that film of a man being electrocuted to dead from the 1970's. Not only would there be pain, but your mind being ripped apart by the electricity. What must that be like? Even the modern method of using drugs to kill the prisoner is said to have unimaginable pain for a few moments. To face the truth, the most humane way to put someone to death would be a shotgun blast to the head. There would be no time to process any pain, it would just end. But we think this is horrific. Strange how we have to think of how we see the end of their lives as the most important part. That is to say, how we view the end. The actual person is not thought of. Lethal injection came about for those who watch, not those who die. We tell our children that two wrongs don't make a right, then we kill someone for their crime. This makes anyone who believes in capital punishment (in my mind) a hypocrite. There is no way for me to justify it. Many say it is the will of God, but yet God said that...

Don't you love people who just can NOT accept that you don't have the same view of the universe as they do? Well this will happen all too often on the internet. The kind of people who will attack you for not being a Christian for example or for supporting Gay marriage. The ones I love the best are the narrow minded people who attack you for believing in a God. I for example am a universalist and thus have some form of God in my life. This has made me the target of the small minded who think that no one should believe in God at all. I had one example on a video when I was talking about the universe as an intelligence that is beyond our comprehension and that we are part of that intelligence. This person was always a bit of a child in the way they chose to communicate, but they crossed the line with this video comment. Referring to me as needing to take my medication. This is of course a perfect example of a narrow view of how to think and the lack of understanding of diversit...

Smile I worked on it for 30 Min... LOL...

 420 man :)  I Kill You LOL...  Deaths Door Razor Blades...  Self Explanatory... Net COP. Here to gun down the "trolls"... Even if they are just in my head...

OK out to Wally World and guess what it's piddling on us again... Oh wait I mean still - Day 4 of drizzle with a smattering of torrential downpours. So anyways... We gets there and have to drive around the carts. Seems someone had way too much time. All the other cart corrals are empty, laving this one willed to overflowing. Ah the endless energy of youth. At least I hope that is what it is. Otherwise it's them UFO people come'n to mess wit us again. We don't want no more anil probates... It's not enough they engenered us from them their monkey folk. Now they gots to be anil probate'n us... OH GOD! Not again! I just channeled an internet whack job again!

http://www.themonastery.org/ My brand of Religion. "We are all Children of the same God". We believe that there is no one path to God. We believe that all who do no harm are on the path with God. All Religions practiced with the moral intent to do no harm are valid to us. Even if a person has their own individual way of worship it is valid. This does include Wicca and Islam. Those who do harm in the name of God are dammed. Those who serve themselves are Dammed. Those who help others and do good are on the right path. Anyone can change. Anyone no mater what evil they have done can come to God and be enlightened. We are all short of God's glory. But if we love we are accepted by him. You do not have to even believe in God to make it to heaven. All you have to do is be moral and just. For that is the true path to God.

 Great coffee and a good lunch.  Did Jesus tell you to spam me?  Good coffee to say the least.   My fancy maker that Henrik sent me :) Parked in the gas pumps and went in to eat for an hour. Your not a dick though are you?

A lot seems to be going wrong this last while. Health wise I mean. Makes me wonder how long I am going to be around on this old earth. Makes me wonder if the time is short. It’s all getting worse you see. The pain is getting worse. My knees have let up some but now and then it just hurts all over my body. Pain like I cannot describe to you. The pain in my bowls is getting to me a lot more often. I am not plugged up in fact it’s the opposite, I go often and it comes out with ease. Yet the pain is so bad. Right now it’s at a 6 I would say. The other night it was a perfect 10. Unimaginable pain. The two days ago I had a lot of blood coming out of my back end. Must have been over a cup of it in total. Sure I sat there for 6 hours waiting to get into the ER. Sure they passed me off like so many times before. But right now I don’t care. Right now I just want to know if this is going to kill me or not. Right now I just want to know if I should be saying goodbye or not. I look back on my life ...

So I been reading a lot about the right to die. In Canada we are starting to move closer to demanding the right from out government. In a small about of countries in the world it is in place right now. The religious folks will say that it's a sin. I have to say, how can it be? When a person has no hope of being better and the quality of life is to a point that there is noting left but suffering, I feel they have the right to ask for death. I do not think this right should be given lightly and a quick but educated decision should be reached by a board of doctors on a case by case bases. In special cases where the person has not the capacity to understand what is going on, I am very much at a loss as to what should be done. We have a world famous example of that in Saskatchewan where a man put his daughter to death to end her suffering. He spent some time in jail and his life was forever scared ...

Have you ever thought about the spirituality of pain? If you are in a lot of pain and you meditate on leaving your body, you can do so more easily. There is a term in the BDSM community called "Sub Space" - one can be lost in the lucid experience of pain and submission. One can get into a entire different way of seeing the world. The doors of perception open to you. Now if you suffer from chronic pain, you can use it to the same ends. This is one way to fight the pain; to turn it into something else. The spirit world is closer to you the more pain you are in. There is a danger though, where the dark spirits can enter your mind. This is what some actually look for. But there are ways to build immunity to the dark spirits. Still they are always waiting. But for the most part one can meat those long dead or those who are not human and never where. Some can even enter the lower levels of what we call heaven or hell.

I just got deleted on Facebook by a sex addicted woman who had me take a tone of very private photos of her. Evidently to need 4 men to pleasure you is morally acceptable but saying the word "f**k" is too much to stand. I am reminded that often when people judge you imperfect they think very low of themselves.

Martyr 2.65 - Poser 8 and Bryce 7.1 Pro... Use as you wish...

Just finished these the other day. Not much in the mood this last couple of days. First 2 are done with Bryce 7.1 Pro (you can get it free from Daz3d for a while). The Sinner one is done in Paint Shop Pro X3. Maybe today I will do some new stuff... Kind of feel like it, but not too motivated. I see I get more views on this blog from the main page than with links to the articles. Guess no one is sharing LOL... Oh well I know a few are watching - they come once a week to see what I have up. This being friends and 1 family member... Anyways... I am not well today so I am home and not with Mom. In case it's the flue I am staying away for a few days... Will phone her a few times in the afternoon and once at night though. She told me she went to church today - they have services on Thursdays there and the pastor is from a different church ever week... She liked it. It was a baptist service today. She got to sing hims, she kind of liked it... Well I hope she gets something out of ...

Door Opens David S Nicholson. Apr 5, 2012 Door opens Wind blows Warm sun Cold water Bell rings Day starts Dust blows Angel sings Wild cat Loyal dog Praise God Sing songs Stand alone With many Door opens Walk threw God smiles Home now

On a winters day David S Nicholson. Apr, 04, 2012 On a winters day in the summer of youth she passed into the land here after. On a winters day I can still remember the smell of her hair. On a winters day in the fields of snow and the bite of the cold wind, I hunger for her. On a winters day there is a glimpse of what she must have felt. On a winters day I will light a fire and remember her. On a winters day perhaps the wind will carry an echo of your voice. On a winters day my tears will turn to ice. On a winters day there will be a warming feeling. On a winters day I will pray that God took you in his arms. On a winters day the summer beckons once more. So long but not goodbye.

I have a pain in my soul. I can't make it stop. It grows stronger every day. I see people so happy and I think of her so sad. I see people running about and think of her in bed. How cruel life can be. How scaring it can be. Oh God make me strong.

You may have more money than anyone else. You may have the admiration of millions of people. You may be able to get what you want with a word; anything you want is yours. But in those last few moments, you have nothing and you are alone. You pass and nothing comes with you. You pass and you become nothingness. You have nothing but your faith. More people hate you than will talk to you. You don’t know where your next meal is. You are cold in the night. But in those last few moments, you have everything and you are not alone. You pass and you see the glory of eternal peace. You pass and are with those gone before you and you know his glory.

Ya know what keeps most people from knowing God these days? Greed... Things are what this world is about and no one remembers where they came from. They can walk down the street and never see the sun glinting of the fresh due on the lawn. They can see a person in pain on the street and walk past only thinking how disheveled he was. But if we let God show us the world we can see so much more than most people will ever know is there. The joy and the energy that we can get by serving Gods will is unmatched by any thing we can own or any simple pleasure that we can seek. I know what you want to say... You want to saw what evil has been done for God be his followers. These people have never known God and when they stand before him they will fall in shame and weep, but it will be too late then. The good people of this world, those that do for others they will see God and know they are welcome.