This does not speak for everyone, but only of the people I have known with addictions.

At first they all used it to escape reality. To be more than they really are or just to kill the pain they had inside. Then whatever they where using won. It became the master.

My brother was a shining example of this. For the majority of his life he used booze to escape the emotional pain he felt inside. Later in life he also used pain medication to escape the pain inside. Well, abused not used.

We had the same childhood. We lived almost the same life until it was time to leave home. I had chronic depression and still only used booze as a fun thing now and then, not every day to blot out the pain. For my brother, he felt like the world was out to make his life miserable. He felt persecuted.

To talk to him many years on was like hearing the story of a stranger. He talked about how Mom and Dad tried to make his life hell and how he was constantly being punished by them. My remembrance of this was he did not get yelled at or spanked or grounded any more than I did. Also I remember our parents being loving and supportive.

Later on his marriage fell apart and he said she was mean to him all the time. I have no idea how she treated him but if the pattern from childhood stood, then he was imposing this persecution and it was not really happening.

I do however know that he was not allowed to raise his child because he was unfit to do so. Again he saw this as part of the constant attacks on him by all around him.

When you are told such things it is easy to disagree, but I just quietly sat and listened.

For the most part he was extremely selfish over his life time. He scammed our Mother out of her life savings and ran off leaving her to pay his massive debts. I don't know why he would have done this, perhaps he thought he was owed this for the "years of abuse".

In the final years of our Mothers life he was regretful of what he was done but by then it was too late. She had already become unable to understand communication fully and to try and say "I'm sorry" would be pointless. It did hit him hard when I called him to say she was dead. He was also devastated by the fact he could not come and say goodbye.

After that he ended up in a hospital for his mental state and shortly after he was released, he was found dead.

This hellish life was in no small part made so much worse by the attempt to kill the pain inside with booze and pills. It cast him everything and in the end he died alone rather than keep going on his path.

So I can say "reality sucks, but the price of escape is too high". This being said I would have to say it would be easy to take the same path. I enjoy the feeling of being drunk after all. The difference is I don't need to feel that way and I don't use it to kill my pain physical or mental. the thing I use to hold myself up is my friends instead.

If you or someone you love has an problem with addiction please look for help in your community. You will find there are a lot of places to turn. Peace and Love be with you.


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