Saturday, July 29, 2017

Friday, July 28, 2017

Beatles Playlist

1 Hey Jude
2 Norwegian Wood
3 While My Guitar Gently Weeps
4 In my Life
5 Let It Be
6 Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
7 Revolution
8 Yesterday
9 Imagine
10 Penny Lane
11 Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
12 Eleanor Rigby
13 Here Comes The Sun
14 A Day In The Life
15 Don't Let Me Down
16 Hello, Goodbye

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Surf Playlist

1 Dick Dale - Misirlou
2 The Champs - Tequila
3 Surfaris - Wipe Out
4 Mason Williams - Greensleeves
5 George Baker Selection - Little Green Bag
6 The Chantays - Pipeline
7 The Ventures - Walk Don't Run
8 The Tornados - Telstar
9 Mason Williams - Classical Gas
10 The Outlaws - Ambush
11 The G-Men - Raunchy Twist
12 The Irradiates - Atom Boogie
13 The Ventures - Hawaii Five-O
14 The Taikonauts - Panic In Pink City


Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Why Do I Even Want This Thing?

GOD I am so part of western culture. I want something because I can have it. I also realize I will never in my life make use of it and it will sit in a storage container for the rest of my life and I will not even look at it... But I want it... We are literally programmed all out lives with advertising that things will make us happy. Well now and then like my Pusheens they do - but almost always they don't for long and we lack the desire to get rid of the junk. So what happens? We buy new shit and put the old shit in storage. Ever wonder why there are so many storage places? Think about it... Anyways I'm off to pretend Pusheen is flying around the apartment... Sigh... Actually I'm going to look for random things on Amazon...

2 Examples Of Crazy In My Life

OK just told someone it's been 12 years BUT I did the math and it's 21 years. I know a guy who has been telling everyone he can that he is dying. He keeps saying he only has 9 months to live or 2 years to live - depends on his mood at the time. MANY times he came out with "I got put on an experimental treatment program and it saved my life" only to be saying next month to others that he is going to die soon.

The same person of course keeps going on about having his job terminated because a service organization in town is going to his boss and telling lies about him. This is of course insane. He keeps doing things to get himself fired like "not showing up for work and not calling in sick" or "telling a co-worker that is 20 years younger than him to show up at his place with beer and you better look sexy". Yet it's not his fault at all he gets fired from every job.

The same person is into cars. Well he has scammed parts of of people that he befriended many times. It's to the point he is run out of people he can scam. Seems he will ask to "buy the parts" they as is practice for a lot of people around here, no paper work is handed out over the deal - he then later will claim he never got any parts from the person.

Also several people I know who have tried to get money out of him over deals gone south, have been told by reclamation persons "you will have to get in line, we been trying to get him to pay debts for years".

Here is the best part, he goes online OFTEN to spew out how shitty people treat him and how bad life is and how he keeps getting ripped off. I have no idea what his condition is, but it causes him to complain about things he has done to others as if they where done to him.

This is nothing new though - I seem to collect crazy people in my life. I also know a guy who has called the cops one myself and several friends of mine because "we where spreading lies about him" or "we where picking on him". This thank God has not happened in years but I remember a cop calling me and saying how he knows this guy is batshit crazy but he has to ask the questions.

He had this idea one time that this fellow we both know was going to the collage he used to go to and telling people that are going their now that "he cheated" and many other things. Sigh. The best part is, why the living hell would any of the current students know who the hell he is or care? But to the twisted mind, it's all a conspiracy.

So what is my point of adding in the 2nd person to this post? Once again he DOES the stuff that he claims is being done to him. I have spotted him parking in the parking lot of 3 places I have lived now in the middle of the night - God knows what he is doing. He also has tried to tell people I know all kinds of things about me and they would come to me saying "who is this crazy person"?

Anyway. I need to lay down a bit, my back hurts... Or is it I need to go talk about people HA. The best thing is, both of these crazy ass people WILL read this as they always do (got them tagged in a tracker) and this will validate what they think. They may even send the link out saying "look at the lies about me" LOL.

Survey While On The Can

So did a product survey last night on the phone while I sat on the toilet... Well they gave me 10 airmiles and it's lost time being on the can otherwise... So...

Anyway, I looked at this page of it and though "OMG I'm about screwed". LOL. I'm only freaking 50 and look at all the crap that is wrong with me. The next 3 pages where about the same...

But now I'ma get some nice samples of old people over the counter pain meds WOOT. As long as they don't send me a diaper I'll be fine with it. They did actually ask what pant size I used... Hmmm...

I'll do things for samples you see. I can't remember what the actual hell they are sending me now. Dang it's only been 18 hours. I should know what they said they where sending. Sigh...

Monday, July 24, 2017

Young Folk In Old Folks Homes

So I live in a "seniors building" although I am only 50. There are people that I have met and who I see spouting off online about "young people in these places".

Here is the ticket, this is a subsidized building and is meant for old folk and DISABLED folk. Yes they have actually let in a couple of people not in either category.

Here is the thing, this building is a bit less than half empty. So rather than build yet another place for able bodied poor people to go, they let them into places like this now and then when all the other spots are taken. This makes sense to me, yet to some "it's a senors building OMG the world will end if a young person gets in".

There is a board what sits and makes the decision to let people in here or not. It's not just random people being let in. You have to have met certain conditions.

But alas there is always going to be someone who keeps endlessly saying how they should NOT be allowed in. The fact that to run a building on such low occupancy is overly expensive and casts the government a lot of money never enters into their minds.

For Those Who Judge The Disabled

 This is the view of the same thing below but from the lower resolution security camera as seen from my TV on the live feed. The image looks entirely different than when you see it up close and in better resolution. Until then, you literally don't understand what you are seeing.
Once you get a closer look you see what is going on and understand it.

This is like when you see someone who is disabled and think "you don't look disabled". When you see a fat person in a scooter at Walmart the first thing that comes to mind for you is to post a photo on Facebook showing "the lazy fat person".

You have literally no idea why that person got to be that size, you also have no idea if they are actually capable of walking in the first place. Yet our society seems to think that it's OK to just say "lazy fat person" and laugh about it.

It's a mix of why I got to be almost 500 lbs a few years ago and hit the 6 XL mark for clothing. First you have to know that most of my life since I was the age of 9 I had issues with gaining weight. I was at that time severely injured. This triggered a weight gain that was not that dramatic but never went away.

When I was over the injury, I went back to being a very active child just like my skinny friends. The only difference is, it never went away. I was just as active as the others and did not eat any more than before the injury to my back (fractured spine). This small amount of fat was enough to be ridiculed at school for being that "fat".

I worked at many jobs and was educated in several ways to try and improve my lot in life. With a degree in Management, Data Processing and Electronic Repair - I still was not able to rise out of my lot in life. It just happens some times.

So I took all manner of jobs and tried to stay fit as I could. I then injured my back again with a compressed disc and some shifting of the vertebra. This caused a great deal of pain when I did any lifting at all. Later it was added to by a great deal of joint pain causing me to not be able to walk more than 2 blocks at a time.

So for half of my life I was relegated to desk jobs and unable to actually work out in the gym any more or go for a long walk. This caused a great deal of weight gain. YES I do realize that this is half my fault as I continued to eat as if I was very active still and well the sedentary life seems to attract a desire to self medicate with junk food. This was the biggest mistake of my life.

Years later I became even more disabled in part from my great size. I was not even able to sit at a desk for more than an hour at a time. I also had what is known as a break out. This was my psychoactive disorder coming to the surface. It happened to me late in life and this evidently almost never happens - as most have it happen in their teen years.

Now medication treats it to a great extent and it is managed to the point I have a normal life. But I also have anxiety and with a high level of anxiety from working the disorder sends me to the hospital. Thus I literally can not work any more. The combination of physical and mental disability make it not possible.

Yet when people see me struggle to walk in the store (I refuse to use the cart), all they see is some fat slob, not someone who ended up this way threw disability and yes threw the lack of caring any more about how I looked or what size I was.

Skip ahead several years and I am then diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - a disorder that has left me in pain every moment of my life for the last 17 years. This ads to the desire to just sit here and do nothing and the desire to self medicate with food.

Skip ahead a few more years and the heart doctor telling me in two years or less you are going to be dead if you do not lose weight. I had slowly gone down over several years from 498 lbs to 465 lbs at that time. But after that push I made a big effort to lose weight and I have. I am now down to 383 lbs at the time of this blog. Yet I am still not able to walk far without a great deal of pain or to sit at a desk for long without a great deal of pain.

If I chose to ignore the pain and push threw it I will pass out from it eventually. So yes I am still 100% disabled. Yet even with a great effort to change my life and improve my health people only see me as "fat" not as someone with a physical disability that is becoming very apparent to me has almost nothing to do with my size.

I have however threw medication gone from at my worst not being able to walk a block to being able to walk 2 or 3 blocks at a time. So at least I can now go shopping and not have to worry about hitting the floor while doing it. Even when I do get the weight off I am still going to be disabled to the point that I can not work effectively.

One more thing people do not see when they point and laugh or post a photo of the fat person is that I give my time to non profit groups in the form of doing ad graphics for them. I also am highly supportive of other disabled people and spend most of my day trying to make their day a little better. I don't just sit here collecting benefits - I do something for society.

The best part of this is, the same point pointing and laughing and mocking the disabled do literally nothing for society in fact they hinder the progress of the human race. Every last thing they do is for their own gratification and nothing is to benefit anyone else. Yet they see us as a waste of government money and "lazy".

I've have personally witnessed people who need a scooter to get around as they are completely unable to walk more than a few steps mocked. These are NOT even fat people, they are skinny. The same people who call me lazy will as well laugh at people who are VERY obviously disabled threw physical deformity. So tell me, who is holding back society here?

In any event, I know this is long but there is a point. Next time you randomly judge someone just thing first "do I actually know their situation"?

Sunday, July 23, 2017

What Is Real?

Memory is where our shared concept of reality breaks down. Three people share the same event and at the time see it as the same. 30 years later the same people talk about the event and there will be 3 rather different views of it. We lose bits of the memory over time - they are erased from out mind. The brain then fills in the missing parts with our other experiences and ideas.

Another example is a person has NEVER been to a place. If he/she is told by someone they trust many times that they where there, then when the experience is described, that person will remember being there.

As well if there is stress or trauma to the event, often every last person will have differences in how it happened. We are easy to bend what we know as "real".

The image you see if you know me you will more than likely know what you are seeing. Others will think it different. Some as well, who do NOT know me will see it as what it is.

It's actually amazing to me that we have a shared concept of reality that we all seem to agree on. I find that interesting.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Real Mans Coffee Cup AKA Lots About My Coffee Addiction

Well this is my coffee cup. You know how most people actually wash it when they are done with it? Well I just let it sit on the end table until the next use generally.

I'm sure there is some kind of slight health risk but oh well. It's not for lack of desire to be clean as my place and the other dishes are spotless all the time.

I just have been leaving it dirty for weeks on end for my entire coffee drinking life. Sure in the start when I was still with Mom and Dad, Mom would grab it and clean it. Then I moved out and from day one it sat dirty.

I tend to get bored of using the same cup after a week or two then I clean the old one off nice and good and put it away then get out a new one to let stand for a week or two.

I swear it does not actually effect the taste all that much, but it does make people say something when they see it. I just tell them "It's a real mans coffee cup". They generally roll their eyes at this point.

BTW I normally drink 6 to 10 cups of coffee a day. In this mug that is 3 fills as it's kind of big. I've also noticed that over the years what volume is called a "cup" in a coffee maker has gone down from an actual cup to 6 oz. This is a lie of course as a REAL cup is 8 oz. I'm sure this is a ploy to make more profit off of us some how.

Hell there are a couple out there that call 4 oz a "cup" - but most of them are the pod kind and well, no real coffee drinker drinks them. After all I don't really want to pay over $1 for a single 4 oz serving of freaking coffee. Yes I know some of the pod makes actually give you 6 oz instead.

I tend to pay on average of $10 for a months worth of coffee (not the best in the world but it will do). That is $0.33 a day and $0.03 a cup - NOT over a buck. Here is the best part I figured the price of the exact same coffee in the pods at $1.15 a cup. It's literally the SAME.

A hint for better coffee is distilled water. Also always use the bamboo filters, the paper ones trap some of the taste and caffeine in them. The price is almost exactly the same for a box of both kinds. BTW Bamboo grows WAY faster then trees so it's better for the freaking planet...

I have a friend who makes a pot of coffee the puts it in the FRIDGE over night and drinks it cold the next day. I think she is mentally disturbed and in need of medication myself. Coffee needs to be fresh and hot, not cold and stale. OK have the "ice coffee" when it's 105 outside, but at least have fresh...

I also tend to put in 2 scoops more coffee then they say to put in the maker. It's just better. I prefer the dark roast although if I drink it after 6 pm I end up with tummy issues in my sleep and get woke up by it. If you need more of a boost, try the light coloured stuff - it tends to kick you harder.

Oh and I tried death wish coffee and like 2 other people I know the taste was actually kind of light for "the strongest coffee on earth". It did kick me in the ass though I will give it that. There was also a nice sticker in the package to put on my PC case... Anyway, it's time to go and sit in my chair and listen to some music.

Friday, July 21, 2017

And For Movie Day (On Netflix)

Sunday is watch way too many movies day. I have lined up "What We Do In The Shadows, Demon Inside, Cross and Doctor Strange". I know, they are very different kinds of movies but hay - I'm random some times.

What We Do In The Shadows is a comedy about a group of vampires sharing housing and trying to adapt to the modern world. I expect I will enjoy this one a lot.

Demon Inside is a horror/Thriller is about a famous psychic who suffers a trauma and shuts her self away from the world. But it turns out she is also shut away with demons. This is the kind of not overly popular horror film that I like.

Cross is a Crime Thriller from Hong Kong. It's about a man whose terminally ill wife commits to stop her pain. He then turns to helping others who can't go threw will killing themselves end their lives. I've seen several of the same brand of movies from the same director and liked them so I added this one.

Doctor Strange is a a comic book superhero movie in which a neurosurgeon loses the ability to use his hands and then is taught magic and becomes the most powerful sorcerer on the planet. BTW it's from the Marvel Universe. I've been warned that this is not the greatest movie put out, but I kind of like the idea so here it is.

Might Just Wonder To The Park Tomorrow

I may just wonder over to the building you see behind me in this shot. That being the Art Museum...

I've not been since last year even though I have walked past several times this year and in fact took a pile of photos just next door to it.

If I do go I am also going to go take a video clip of the bridge and the war memorial on the other side of it.

It's a wonderful park to say the least and I enjoy being close to it. When I am NOT in too much pain or too sick to go see it I wonder over there. It's just a block away and if I take it easy it's not hard on me.

I'm dead broke so no donation from me, but oh well. I do want to see what they have up in there and so on. I might go to the library as well and get myself a card and see if I can't get hold of a book I been wanting to read. It says they have it and it's out of print and there are NO digital copies to be had.

4 Examples Of YouTube Thumbnails





Me No Sleep At Night AKA Chronic Illness And Sleeping

It's about to hit 2 am and I have the deep desire to put on a pot of coffee and stay up all night to try and reset my sleeping patterns. But I'll be good and not do it although it's tempting to try.

I've not slept normally in years actually. In fact 41 years to be exact. My sleeping troubles started when I was just 9 years old.

In the last 17 years since I became too disabled to work it's gotten much worse as well, I have nothing forcing me to go to bed like needing to get up in the morning. Now and then I DO need to for an appointment and generally if it's before noon I'll stay up then sleep after. If it's after noon then I will get very little sleep and go to it all scrambled.

Seems my brain wants to work better starting around 9 pm and works faster and smoother until around 5 am. Most of the time I'm asleep by 3:30 am though. Still it's a bother.

Enter living in an old person building. Well the building I am in is for seniors and the disabled. Well I'm disabled and 5 years away from being a senior. So here I am...

So there is this thing we need to put on our door before 9 am. It literally says "I'm OK" on it. It's to show we are still alive and no one has to worry about us. Actually it's in case someone falls or has a medical emergency in the night or in the day so they don't end up laying there waiting for help for days on end.

It's a good system and with my health problems I like the idea. The only thing is, my body wants me to sleep until noon or so. SOOO... I put the sign out generally at about 1 am and hope for the best.

The risk is the same actually. Say at noon I pass out and hit the floor. Well they won't know to enter the apartment until the next day anyway. So the chance of me laying here needing help for 20 hours or so is the same as if I put it out in the morning at 8 am.

I really do wish I could sleep right though. I wish my brain would let me sleep at the time normal people want to sleep. See a normal person sees it getting dark and the brain says "lets go to bed soon". My brain on the other hand says "Hay lets do a bunch of things for the next 7 hours".

I don't want to watch TV at this ungodly hour as it might bother someone - even if there is a 95% chance they would not even hear the TV. I'm just not rude... So I put on the headphones on the PC and listen to music or VLOGS and so on. Or I sit in the comfy chair with the Blue tooth headset on and listen to music on my phone or watch a movie on Netflix on my tablet.

The laundry room is in the basement and there is no apartments down there. This is a good thing as I can go down at 9 pm or so and start doing laundry until midnight. I notice the cleaning staff shows up at about that time so I like to be done before then.

Here is the interesting part. Almost ALL of the chronically ill people I know have had sleeping problems most of their lives. Now is this some kind of precursor to being chronically ill? I really don't know as I never bothered to look into it. I just know that almost ALL of the people I know are chronically ill (about 70% of them) and they have had problems sleeping at night most of their lives as well.

Would be interesting to know. Here is a study to look at if you like - it does NOT mention the sleeping patterns BEFORE the onset.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Super Kitty To The Rescue

I'm a 50 year old well adjusted male I swear I am. Yet this little stuffed toy is the most important thing in my entire possession. If I can save one thing running out the door in a disaster, Pusheen will be it. I will even risk being killed to do it. I DO know how stupid that sounds, but she is literally like family to me.

The exact moment I ran into Pusheen the cat on the internet, my eyes got big and my heart melted. I was addicted to it to the point I even play the online game "dress Pusheen". I know it's made for freaking little girls and what not BUT it turns my crank OK.

When I am in a great deal of pain I hold onto her and think of her being a real kitty. This somehow lessens the pain and makes me happy. It's literally like magic. You see I have Fibromyalgia and it's literally like hell now and then. I can't even begin to describe the pain I feel at times.

On the other hand I have literally no excuse for having a tea party with all my stuffed Pusheen toys (there are many) or for holding her in the air and walking around the apartment pretending she is super kitty.

All I can think is I hit my head rather badly when I was about 15 and maybe this is the result. Or perhaps I just refuse to adult all the time and this makes me happy. We all need to be happy.

I remember fondly the day she arrived in the mail and I opened the box and took her out of the bag and I made this sound that you would expect from a 5 year old. The joy was instant and it never left.

Well I'm off to hold her for a while as I am into a flair and it's getting rather bad now and I HAVE to stop blogging - even though I have been sitting her for a long time doing just that. Super Kitty to the rescue...

OK I Went Outside Are You Happy Now?

Outside is over rated. It's freaking hot out there and there is no Netflix as I don't want to use up all my mobile data sitting on a park bench.

I know - I know... I'm supposed to be looking at the freaking ducks in the pond or something. But they don't actually do much - they just kind of float there and expect you to feed them and shit.

It's also kind of peopley out here. That won't do at all. If I want to communicate to someone it will be on freaken Facebook not actually talking to someone. Dang what is this the dark ages?

Look how bright it is in this photo... Look at it... How am I expected to read my text messages and see the Instagram photos? We can send people to freaken Mars but we can't make a smart phone I can read in direct sunlight.

I got it. I will come back to the park at 1 am when almost all the people are done and it's dark out so I can see my screen. This way I can say "I went outside" and I only have to deal with some random sleazy gay guy trying to hook up with me in the park. BTW what's up with that? Is there no apps for that? Anyway It's a better plan than the daytime...

So I'm Locked In A Padded Room LOL...

So I'm locked in a padded room but the left my phone so I'ma post it on my blog and on Instagram.

Actually this is our one elevator. It's bigger than the other one and has padding on it all the time in case someone moves in or out. It's a lot more easy to just lave it up than it is to put it up each time.

The only thing is for people who are not as steady on their feet there are no hand rails to hold onto as they are covered with the padding. So I don't really like it being there. I am also kind of shy in real life and don't like to go up to someone in charge and say "hay this is not a great thing, it needs to change".

Now if I could just get out a parody song of love in an elevator with the words love in a padded elevator instead - then I could do a really crappy music video in the thing in the middle of the night when I am kind of sure no one would come in on me... Hmmm could have worded that last line better...

I Enjoy The Hell Out Of Coffee

I have friends who tell me "coffee is so expensive don't waste your money on it". Well the thing is the coffee I drink if $9.99 for an entire months worth of drinking coffee all afternoon long. How is this a waste of money?

I get a lot of pleasure out of the coffee as well. It's not just the stimulation it gives as that is minimal after many years of drinking it literally ever day and many cups every day. It's the taste.

I am sure most people would say the same thing that enjoy coffee. It's at it's best on the first cup of the day just cooled down enough to not hurt my tong. I admit the other cups are slightly less enjoyable than the first of the day but they still rock.

Yes there is an addiction factor at play here, I am addicted to it and I admit that fully. But there are health benefits to it you can't ignore - so there...

Some people can have anxiety triggered by caffeine. I on the other hand will have an all day anxiety attack if I don't have any. As well some people can't sleep if they drink it in the afternoon and evening like I do. I on the other hand sleep way better if I have some coffee in me. In fact if I skip drinking it for lack of time to make it, I sleep badly.

Here is the admission - I KNOW that it's not the taste that makes it so pleasurable (even though I freaking love the taste). I understand that as a long time drinker of coffee after not having it for over 12 hours my body wants it rather badly and when I get it my brain rewards me with a rush of chemicals that give me that pleasure.

Unlike street drugs and some the doctors give you, you don't need more and more of it to get you threw the day. In fact there are people who are just fine with 1 strong cup in the morning and that is it.

For me it's 40% the actual act of drinking the coffee that gives me joy. It is linked to a great deal of good times in my memory and to the memory of family and friends who are no longer in my life. I like everything about it, even the act of making it brings pleasure to me. So how can the $0.33 a day be NOT WORTH IT?

The best part is people I know that have addictions to other things telling me "I don't want it to control me". LOL like your spending $50 a week on scratch tickets just in case you with that $10,000...

I'm even to the point that I have a coffee cup for any mood. When I am not happy and need a pick up it's the Pusheen cup. When I am feeling sexy it's a cup with something on it I won't say as it's kind of rude. There is the cup with Mom's photo on it. And for most days it's a cup that says "I Enjoy A Good Spanking".

I am sure if I ever hit the lotto I would spend a lot more money on it than I do now, but for now in my poor ass on disability days - I will spend $10 on it... Have a great day and keep smiling.

Postcard From Friends

Got a thoughtful card from some YouTube friends while they where enjoying a vacation in Florida. I am very much enjoying all the footage they shot and posted.

Some in my situation (being poor) are very angry when they see people enjoying the hell out of themselves. All I can say is they both work hard for their money and deserve to have fun.

Although I don't have much my needs are met and I have cable and internet. This is more than most in the world - so I count myself to be lucky as well :)

You can check them out here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQQpPnlSi1_wX23F2-1R7Qg

Reflecting On The 5 Year Anniversary Of Moms Death

So I was down to $23.71 and it is the five year anniversary of my Moms death. I felt very much like comfort food and blew $18 of it on a pizza. This fed me twice so not a terrible deal and hay it was delicious.

So now there is five bucks in the account until I get paid in 8 days. I can live with that as I have a lot more food than I need and a lot of coffee in the can.

So now that the fears of running out of food are crushed I was playing with a new app and liked it so I paid $1.99 to remove the ads. This was worth it to me as my God on a hockey stick there where a lot of ads and they were 40 second video ads for the most part. Being I am going to use the app often I paid it...

But yeah, five years Mom has been gone. Five long years. Also at the end of the month will be the end of five years of vlogging every single day. That in its self I did NOT think was going to happen as I did not actually go out of my way to do it.

The thing is, I feel like it was just a few months ago that Mom died. I remember with full clarity sitting there for over two hours waiting for the end to come. When the end came it was obvious. The time I sat there I know was over two hours but I had literally no concept of time and it felt like only a few moments as I was on intensely focused on her.

I imagined it would be the same as when Dad died and a devastating blow. But instead it was a relief as she had lingered on a long time as a shell of what she used to be. He mind long gone and her body less than 80 lbs. She looked like something from the archive photos of the death camps (not to belittle that tragedy).

Before she was vegetative she had gone blind and was in a state of fear as she was already seeing and hearing things that where not there. The cancer had spread to the brain you see. Before that she had lost the ability to talk and feed herself. Before that she was talking to people long dead and pointing at the dog that was not there and speaking of things that could not be.

She was at one time a strong person who enjoyed life and had a lot of love to give this world. She was my rock in a time where I was lost to depression and the reason I am still here today.

It was the most difficult thing I have ever done to watch her fade into what she became then to just lay there rotting away. So you can see why I was relieved. Her suffering and the terrible pain of watching the person you love the most slowly turn into a living corps was now over.

So today I eat pizza although I should have saved the money. And now I think I will just sit in a dark room for a while and let the tears roll down my face. You see the pain is just as it was then on the anniversary of her death. You don't get over it, you just slowly get more used to it. The loss left a hole that will always be there.

If you have loved ones, tell them you love them. Don't just assume they know. You might never be able to tell them one day. It is a great comfort to me that Mom knew I loved her and that I was there for her every day, visiting her in the care home. So many just leave them there and never visit. I think that is worse than dying, to know you are not wanted. Anyway, time to just be alone with my thoughts awhile.

Shaw Bluesky and Internet 150 Review


At the bottom on the right you will see my Shaw Cable Bluesky box. This is a type of cable box that allows you to "talk" to the remote and have it do things. Literally talk to it that is.

It's wonderful and have never failed to pick out what I was telling it to do. If I ask for movies the list comes up. If I ask for space channel it goes there. It's great.

The PVR allows you to record up to six TV hows at the same time or record five and watch one live. The box also allows you to pause live TV and in some cases start the show over if you cam in part way (not on all channels).

It also has Gateway so that you can be 1000 miles away and use the internet to record a TV show. With their app you can also watch the live TV shows you would have missed from any location. It does not seem to be able to stream your PVR though as some do.

On the downside the box only offers 500 GB of storage and well this is OK for someone like me who will be watching the PVR recordings 2 or 3 times a week and being alone in the house. But if you add in a spouse and 2 kids you and a busy life for all of you - you now have the chance of running out of space before all the shows are watched.

On a positive note it offers channel locks with password entry to keep the kids out of things and a dedicated kids zone. This to me is of no use as I am alone, but would be of great use to a lot of people I know.

The ability on the guide to show only channels you are subscribed to does NOT exist so the only way to do this is to "favorite" all the channels then put it in show favorites mode. Other guide modes are things such as HD channels only and ALL.

One drawback to old TV owners such as myself is that if you have a switching box hooked up to it, then it can confuse the box as most of them do NOT like devices that are on all the time and always sending power to the HDMI cable. This can be handled by getting a more expensive switch. But being I don't have a game box or anything other than my Blue Ray hooked to the TV I'm all good. Still people have complained about the switching thing.

One other thing I find annoying is that every other update it seems to hangup on me and NEVER resets all the way. I never did bother to record the error code so no tech help for me there. But this leaves me having to power cycle the box in the morning. If I was to go away for a few days this might make me miss recording a show and I would be all kinds of pissy over that.

The box also does NOT like to be plugged into a low cost power bar as they don't tend to crank out the amps needed to power it properly. So unless you have a bar with a high amps rating you will have to plug it direct into the wall. This leaves it open to power spikes and once again the possibility of being with no TV to watch for awhile.

At this time there is only the option to rent the boxes and I'm fine with that as I prefer to rent even though in the long run it's more money - but when you rent and it blows up for no real reason some nice person shows up and gives you another one.

I got the deal where you get Bluesky and Wide Open 150 internet for a not bad price. I remember last time I had cable I was actually paying more and only getting 30 down for internet. At the time of this blog post there is also a GREAT deal for people who are new to Shaw where you pay the same as just the internet for a year.

And here is the link if you want to go and shop: https://www.shaw.ca/store/

Sad And Messy To OK And Clean

Seems I have a very strong desire to be in a clean environment. While I was still rather sick I ended up doing all the cleaning and it caused me to almost pass out a couple of times. Yet I kept doing it.

The best part is I used to be a very messy person back in the day when I was depressed and so on. Seems not long after they "fixed" my depression I ended up with the desire to keep it all clean.

I don't know why I just know as soon as I felt good about the world I then wanted it to be more ordered and structured.

This came at a price though, I used to be rather better at art and poetry in the day albeit dark and moody at the time. Now it's more structured and lest involved than it used to be.

It's a good trade off though because if I kept on that path I may not have been here right now. I was getting darker and darker.

The meds are only a part of it, as they make it more easy to get out of the cycle of thinking that kept me in the darkness (my old friend). Then with the ability to change your thinking the effort to improve your life comes into play. That in it's self is a task, but well worth the effort.

The Ultimate Queen Playlist

1 Fat Bottomed Girls
2 Radio Ga Ga
3 Another One Bites The Dust
4 Crazy Litle Thing Called Love
5 Under Pressure
6 Killer Queen
7 You're My Best Friend
8 Bicycle Race
9 Save Me
10 A Kind Of Magic
11 I Want It All
12 I Want To Break Free
13 I'm Going Slightly Mad
14 The Show Must Go On
15 Who Wants To Live Forever
16 Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody


I Wish I Had Whiskey Playlist

1 Divine - You Think You're A Man
2 Johnny Cash - Hurt
3 Slade - Run Runaway
4 Shoot Your Shot - Divine
5 Peter Gabriel - Games Without Frontiers
6 David Bowie - Heroes
7 Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
8 Jimmy Somerville - Smalltown Boy Reprise
9 Nouela - The Sound of Silence
10 Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down


Don't Know This Ya Don't Know Rock Playlist

1 Fleetwood Mac - The Chain
2 Eric Clapton - Layla
3 Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
4 Kansas - Carry On Wayward Son
5 Ram Jam - Black Betty
6 The Animals - The House of the Rising
7 Santana - Smooth ft. Rob Thomas
8 Toto - Africa
9 Rush - Tom Sawyer
10 AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long
11 Guns N' Roses - Paradise City
12 Steppenwolf - Magic Carpet Ride
13 Cream - Sunshine Of Your Love
14 Free - All Right Now
15 Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama
16 The Moody Blues - Nights In White Satin
17 Procol Harum - A Whiter Shade Of Pale
18 Lou Reed - Walk On The Wild Side
19 Norman Greenbaum - Spirit In The Sky
20 Mungo Jerry - In The Summertime
21 Simon & Garfunkel - Mrs. Robinson
22 George Harrison - My Sweet Lord
23 Boston - More than A Feeling
24 Starship - We Built This City
25 Journey - Dont Stop Believing
26 Blue Oyster Cult - (Don't Fear) The Reaper
27 Golden Earring - Twilight Zone
28 Meat Loaf - Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad
29 Eagles - The Long Run
30 Norwegian Wood - The Beatles


Sunday, July 16, 2017

And The Dryer Settings

Less dry: for when you don't mind it to get moldy...

Very dry: For when you actually don't want damp clothing out of the dryer.

Castor Oil Unclogged Me Real Good Like

Directions on the bottle are "take 2 to 4 tbs". Well I was plugged good so I took 2 and though "lets see how that does". WELL hours of being on the toilet later and having the feeling I pooped my lungs out, there was no blockage no more.

All I can say is natural works now and then rather than some chemical crap that takes all day - this took about an hour.

God help anyone who takes 4 tbs...

YouTube Is Trying To Tell Me Something

Hay there YouTube, you trying to tell me something? This was #3 on my recommended videos the other day. Sometimes the universe just makes you laugh your ass off...

No Riding Your Bike In The Mall Hay?


So we actually live in a world where people think it's a good idea to go into a wall with their bike or skateboard or their dog. The one I like the best is the bicycles part. Who would ride their bike threw the mall?

OH WAIT. I have actually seen on no less than 6 occasions ADULTS riding a bike up and down the isles of Wally World. So never mind.

This sign does NOT way I can't bring a gimp in on a leash though. Sooo...

Tested My Lexar 633X Micro-SD Card


OK in October I will be getting a new phone, an LG G6. This is for that phone. I have tested it and it works very well. I tested the speed read and wright to within 5% of what they claim it will do. Being that my computer is a bit old that could be the reason it's slightly slower.

In any event I won't need it to be this fast as I won't be taking 4K video any time soon and well the photo app won't cycle fast enough to top out the wright speed any time soon.

I paid $43.95 for this (and some tax). the bummer of it is the 128gb one came on sail the NEXT day after this one shipped for only $4 more than I paid for this one.

The price of memory cards in the first place is kind of all over the place on Amazon at best. But I knew if I waited long enough it would not be $59 any more and when it hit $44 I ordered it.

Replacing The Draw String In My Sweats

So this here is paracord. It's the stuff I got at the Dollar Tree. Like 2 bundles of 100 foot each. So I have low expectations. BUT they do keep my pants up. See my sweats have these cotton rope draw strings in them and they fail after a while, so I pull these threw them to get a better hold on things as it where.

I have 2 left that I need to do these with. I also now and then forget to tie them before I wash them and out comes the cord. This happened last time to 2 pairs of sweats. I have this old wire coat hanger for that that I bent up to put inside the waistband then pull the cord threw. It works better I think than other ways of doing it.

What I really hate is the kind that is looped threw and sown in the back. These WILL fail and come out one day. They are also impossible to tie proper as they are literally a loop in front and not two ends to tie. There is also the fact that most of the time the place the sting goes does NOT pass threw the back seam thus you have to get creative with it.

In any event this cheep cord is not that great for most things, but it is for this usage and will do just fine for years to come. Just remember to change them before they fail - it's much easier to just pull threw this way.

Cooking On The SAID Program

Is it getting near the end of the month and them disability payments from the Saskatchewan Government running low? This is a quick and easy meal to prepare. All you need is a roll of paper towel and a roasting pan. Put the towel and a little cooking oil in the pan and bake at 350 for 30 minutes. You have a meal full of fiber to keep you going until the next day. After all, who can afford to eat fresh veggies and meat all month long on what we get? Food keeps going up and up. It's literally a little more each trip to the store. Yet the benefits stay the same and in many cases in the past while they went down. Kind of got to wonder how many MLA's have been to the food bank in the last while? Can't bitch too much though, under the NDP I was starving in the dark before the Sask Party came with the SAID program. Oh and as for clothing yourself... 6 months of being in debt to the Government will get you 2 maybe 3 outfits to wear. WOOT.

It's All Gone Wrong For This Door

You know it's all gone horribly wrong when this happens. See the bracing for the door should be on the inside and it should be leaning the other way. I'm left wondering if it was the wind, coming home drunk or anger youth that made this happen. BTW the actual most likely scenario is that it was open (up) and the springs let go and down it came.

Also kind of wondering what that poster used to say. You are not actually aloud to leave posters up on pols like that in Moose Jaw - BUT there will never be a day when the bylaw enforcement person comes and gives someone a ticket over it - so up go the posters and they never come down. Kind of have to wonder about the logic of needing permission to put up a lost cat poster though.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

My Bestest Art Ever LOL...

 This is art on a level that you might actually get hurt or killed if you attempt it at home - so please do not try to replicate my results... HAHAHA. Just doing some mixed media stuff. Did them by hand and then coloured on the PC.