I'm Shedding Skin (Funny)

So I go to get up from my comfy chair and see this. I think "I need to vacuum these crumbs". Then I realise I have not eaten in the chair since I got here and I cleaned it well before I moved. I thought it was something from the moving van. Then I realised it's all over my pants as well. I rub my arm and FOOF a cloud of dead skin fills the air. My GOD I am dried out like a roast that has been left in for 5 hours at 400F. I comb my hair and off comes more of the dead skin. Wowsers. It can't be diet, I am eating the same things as always. It must be that this place is just that dry. Or I have suddenly overnight developed some strange melody where I am covered in dead skin. BTW this sucks for the tattoos. They have this flaky white stuff all over them making them look like crap. Wowsers. The government cutbacks to disability where not enough of a plague, not I have skin flying around the room. I can't help but wonder is if getting into my lungs? Will it kill me? Will I wake up bleeding all over the place because the entire top layer came off in my sleep? Sigh. So now that I am making way less money I need to get some cream to spread on myself to not look like I am the living dead? Perhaps I need a gofundme account to get a 10 year supply of moisturiser. I have tried to rub a scrubby pad all over myself in the shower but it seems to be of no use, as an hour later the cloud of dead skin is back following me like Pigpen from the Peanuts. To top it off it's cold weather now so it's going to get worse. Sigh... I'm DOOMED!


  1. Ah, ha, I always figgered you were kinda flakey, and this proves it, ha ha!


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