Sunday, February 26, 2017

Freedom? What do you see?

What do you see? When you look at things do you see them or do you see what you expect to see?

The world exists despite our view of it. It goes on blind to the fact that we even exist and it is more than any of us can ever know.

The vast majority of people see a lot as a small child but by the time we get threw school that is gone. The ability to "see" has been replaced with the idea of what we are told.

We call ourselves free and are slaves to an imposed reality controlled by very few people. The ones with the power to change perception and implant thoughts.

This sounds like madness and that I am some conspiracy nut. The reality is, we are trained by complex means to see what we are told to see not what is actually there.

Even the majority of anti-establishment so called free thinkers have learned to see the world in a light they where told do see it in. This ability is all but extinct - the ability to see what is actually there.

There is a limited amount of choice to the average person to chose what path they will follow. Once this is done they will for the most part only see what that path will show them. That is to say what the leaders of that path want them to see.

The level of indoctrination goes all the way to the top. The people manipulating the masses are trained from a young age to be the people who manipulate. Their choice is all but gone as well, they for the most part, will see what they where told to see.

The paths are almost set in stone we have been doing this for so long. The camps are divided and can not see the view of the other side. We are animals in this sense.

So tell me, what do you see? In reality you will see what you have been told to see almost all of the time. That being said most people get a glimpse now and then of things outside their learned reality. This leads to anger for the most part.

Many generations ago we set on the many paths that man has taken. For the most part these paths have splintered into many other paths of almost the same view but with a slight variation. This leads to infighting and the assurance that no group will ever win the big prize and dominate for long.

Even when we unite it is in a divided format. We for great causes set on the same road for a time then when the goal is over it's back to being many camps. It is the nature of humanity you see. This false individuality.

I have tried all my life to see the world as it is and failed. I assume like all others that I am above the set path and thinking for myself but I always get held back by the rules of the path I am on.

Only for short times are there moments when I see more than I have imagined and more than I was told exists. Then it's back to the narrow path I have been on since I was a young man.

Sure I jumped from road to road at times trying to find myself, only to end up always returning to where I was raised to be. Others set on a different path by choice than the ones that raised them. But they are still in a world that is defined by rules and points of view that are never completely their own.

In the end freedom is almost no existent as we are slaves to an imposed reality. No matter how we try, the best we can get is a moment of clarity now and then. But the goal is to keep trying to see what is actually there. And for most people they will only ever see what they have learned is there.

We are the individuals of a collective mind. We are the arms and legs of those who lead us. Very few choose to be free even as they yell that they are free. So tell me what do you see?

We Are Both Angel And Demon By Choice

It would be easy, just let yourself become an animal. Live in the moment and do what feels good and be dammed what is the right thing to do. I have spent most of my life becoming who I am at this very moment. I have been as far from who I am as I cared to be and I came back to who I should be.

I and by that, I mean all of us am of two minds. We are angles and demons. We are who we chose to be. Here in a land where we are free to choose who is to say what is the right path? It is the self that decides the future of the soul.

I am at this moment trying to improve myself. Trying to be more healthy and a better person to others. I am trying to kill the ego who demands attention and respect when neither are deserved. I want to help people. I want to make them smile and give them a reason to become more than they are by example.

I also want to spit in the face of God and go out in a booze and drug fueled orgy of sex, pain and madness. I want to live the short and wild life just to spite my own existence.

But instead I chose to be more than that. I chose to be on a path that does more for others than myself. I spend my days trying to help in any way I can and I do help. By the grace of God I give of myself.

It is just as easy to be the better person as it is to be the bad one. It is the same in many ways. It is all choice. Who do you wish to be?

Friday, February 24, 2017

Books I'm Reading

Latest E-Books I picked up to read. The 3 on the bottom and the OZ are the complete collections and VERY long because of it. These will keep my busy for years to come as I don't actually read much. But they will forever be in my list so when I change devices I just sync it and poof read my books time. The yellow covered one was funny as hell. Venus in Furs was free and NOT worth the price. Posting hope is OK but I am sure most people would not be into it. I really wanted to get a book that was published in town, but it seems to have vanished off the market completely. Oh well. It's at the library if I really want to - and it's just a block away. BUT I would have to get a library card (don't have one) then read it in 6 weeks. There is the real rub as I can go 4 weeks without the desire to read LOL. Any how, these will keep me busy for years I think. I tell you when I was a teen and into my 20's I read a great deal. In fact I read ever day for at least 2 hours. I read more books in that time frame and to a less extent into my 30's than most will read in a lifetime.

The Universe Tempting Me With Pizza

OK so I am sitting here with 0.2 lbs to go till I reach my goal of losing 70 lbs in a year. So what do I see just after posting a before and after pic (on week 48)? This ad to the left LOL. I am telling you the universe knows and messes with us fat folk LOL.

Honestly Family Pizza is not that bad. I gave them a 4 star rating after all. This is as well a great deal for a FAMILY. Unfortunately I am single...

There was a time in my life I would order this and eat on it all day until there was nothing left. Maybe, just maybe, that is why I got to be the size I am (or was).

Yup Pizza and cake and all that is NOT a bad thing now and then. It's just when you eat it all the time and a lot of it that there is a problem. For me, now I allow myself one stupid thing to eat a week. This week it was poutine. You have to live sometimes. If you try to just stick to it all the time you get off track in a short time. I did that in the past.

Anyway I have 4 weeks to go so I upped the goal from 70lbs in a year to 80lbs in a year. So lets hope I get er done... BUT... If Family was to see this and wanted to give me a free one... LOL I'm kidding...


OPS This Should Be This Weeks Weight Loss Stats...

DATE
Feb 24, 2017
KG
179.6
LBS
395.2
UP or DOWN (lbs)
-4.8
Total -69.8 lbs (48 Weeks)

OPS This is what yesterdays should look like - Sigh I weighed myself at the wrong time of day and it wildly effected it. So... Here is what it should look like.

My goal for 1 years is 70 lbs and I am 0.2 lbs away from that. Baring something strange or doing something silly - I should get there.


Thursday, February 23, 2017

Remembering Murders

Wonder if the Moose Jaw ghost tour has a stop at the dreamland where in the mid 70's a hooker tied a guy to the bed then stabbed him 47 times. She then took out a bottle of lighter fluid and lit the body on fire. In court, she claimed "it was an accident". The judge not being a complete dolt did not see how this could have been an OOPS and sent get to jail for the next 25 years of her life. The claim she was high on PCP at the time BTW.


Wilbert Colin Thatcher In 1983 he was investigated and later convicted of killing his wife JoAnn. It seems to this day that there is a LOT of people who think his son did it and Colin took the fall for him rather than let him go to jail. Literally you can still from time to time hear people talking about this murder today 34 years later.

The next one I recall is not from Moose Jaw but a place 385km away in Wilkie. This was the case of Robert Latimer who ended his daughter’s sad life in 1993. She suffered every day of her life with painful seizures and could not function on her own as she was so disabled. Robert ended her life with exhaust from his truck. Not many people I knew faulted him for doing this and saw it as an act of kindness. Ozzy Osborn wrote a song about it.

There is also the matter of a fight in town one day. I can’t remember the year this one was and can’t seem to find it. But a rather aggressive man with a history of violence before and after the fight ended up killing a man with one punch in the parking lot of a local bar. The man had bumped his pool que and caused him to miss. He even wanted to pay for this violent man’s game but it was not enough. He followed the man who was going home to his family into the parking lot and killed him with one punch. He got off from it as the judge decided since the man with a wife and kids left without him, has a pre-existing condition that allowed the punch to kill him.  Many people in town thought this was a travesty and wanted a retrial. But it was not to be. The long history of violence and the fact he went out of his way to hit the man after following him outside did not stand for anything in the judge’s mind. Most people figured it was the fact that he came from a family with money that saved him.

There was another instance not so long ago that sparks to memory. Once again, I can’t find the date. The man got drunk and loaded his gun after taking it from the gun locker and drove across town to his ex’s home. He then broke in and shot her dead, hit the gun (not to well) in the yard and drove all the way back home. This did NOT count as premeditated murder as “the man was too drunk to formulate a plan”. That phrase given all that he did to kill her, sparked wrong in a lot of minds around town. Again, it was a person with a history of running into contact with the law.


The last one is a vague memory of when I was about 8 years old and the first time my Dad had spoken about a murder openly in front of me. This was probably not a great idea – but he had to talk to Mom and did not care I was also in the room. A man who was high on drugs and drinking had his sporting event interrupted by his crying child. His wife reportedly was out at work. The man then hit the child several times to make it stop and when it did not stop he grabbed it by the ankles and slammed it into the wall until it did stop. Sooner or later the wife came home to him passed out and the smashed baby on the floor. Once again this was in the 1970’s.

All Manner Of Toilet Paper Related Tales...

Yuppers, I am ready for the curried chicken tonight. LOL...

Actually I am just one of them people who are OCD enough to think "what if I run out" - then takes it to the level of putting out 4 extra just in case it all goes wrong.

My aunt had this knit poodle that went over a roll of butt paper and sat there on the tank in it's pink glory for as long as she was alive... Well as long as I remember, I am sure it was not always there.

Over the years I have seen many of these knit things over a roll on the tank actually. Some where seasonal - a Santa or and Easter bunny for example. The vast majority of them where poodles though. Then there was the one time there was the knit bottom and a half a Barbie doll on top. That one was kind of disturbing as I was at a friends place and drunk off my ass.

Now lets talk about the empty rolls. I know people who use them for things and you can make fire starters out of them I have seen. I never have, but I've seem people do it. I on the other hand tend to put them in a garbage can beside the crapper until I get enough. Then I crumple a bunch together and stuff them into another one. This saves space in the garbage bag. Yes it is actually a vast waste of time as it takes weeks for you to get enough when you live alone.

I am also reminded of this fellow I used to know that lived down the block from us and I went to classes with him. I was studding electronics at the time. Well he would come to visit and literally every time needed to go to the bathroom. We figured out later that he was taking about a 1/4 of the roll off and stuffing it into his book bag to take home.

Well we never said anything as he was dirt poor. He was living on a student loan and the rent was stupid. We fed him more than a few times as well. He would never ask you see, so we would say "there is a bunch left over". So he would take it home and return the container the next day. The entire time he had to realize we where making more just to feed him - but it saved his pride.

I often wonder what became of him. A friend of the both of us was housing him after school was out in a different city. Well the guy phoned me up one day and said he had to evict him as he was not paying the rent and only drinking all night every night. The sad thing is, the last time I heard from him he was drunk off his ass saying he was fired from his job.

Oh well today I have lost track of both of them. Well I wondered off topic - so time to end this before it becomes a book. Later all...

Old Age And The Bathroom

It started happening sometime in my late 40's. That is, you get comfortable and just when you are in that right possession - you have to pee.

It seems the older I get the more I have to pee. I think I know why though. I figure the bladder shrinks with time. After all when I was 17 I would stand there draining for what seemed like five minutes in a row.

Now I go every 45 minutes instead of every 5 hours and I am only there for 50 seconds. It makes me thing, if I make it to 80 how many times a day will I have to go to the can and how short a time will it take?

Sex on the other hand takes longer as you get older and some days you fall asleep while the other person is getting ready. But that is another story...

What Could Be More Canadian? AKA I Got Lucky (ish)

So this is my doctors office, in the entry way. I had to wait for a friend to get back to pick me up and he was delayed. Sometimes the universe works well and that was one day it did. See I went to the front desk and made an appointment for one week later and forgot all about the blood work.

Well I got a phone call as I was waiting and the woman said "there seems to be a requisition here for blood work you forgot to pick up". See if my friend was on time, then I would have been home and would have had to call him to come back and it would have been a bother for both of us. 

But there you have it, I got lucky. This is as lucky as the universe will let me be of course. There will be no winning the big one on the lotto for me and if I do I will promptly drop dead just after going threw all the hoops of getting the pay out. LOL.

BTW there is about no parking in the parking lot any more. There is now a Tim Horton's across the parking lot from the clinic. So good luck getting parked some days. On the upside, you can go get your coffee and doughnut just after your checkup at the doctors. That is a bonus as well.

Did I mention there is a Co-op gas station across the street? So you can be very Canadian at this aria of town. You go and get gas at the farmers Co-op then go get your free health care done and have a Tim's run right after. I mean the only thing missing is a hockey rink. WAIT there is one half a block away.

Weight Loss - Feb 23, 2017

OK it's 1 day yearly but I won't have time tomorrow. Looks like the Poutine and the big ass sub and 6 cans of pop did a number on me. But at least I am down a slight but. My one year goal is 70 lbs. Only 3 more weeks to get there, and if I miss it by a little - that is good as well. Most people will never drop this much in a year anyway. Just got to keep at it and yes it's OK to have something bad now and then. I've also stopped my water pill - but I'm sure that is minimal as the dosage was very small.
DATE

Mar 22, 2016
Mar 28, 2016
Apr 3, 2016
Apr 16, 2016
Apr 24, 2016
Apr 30, 2016
May 6, 2016
May 13, 2016
May 20, 2016
May 27, 2016
Jun 3, 2016
Jun 10, 2016
June 17, 2016
June 25, 2016
July 1, 2016
July 8, 2016
July 14, 2016
July 22, 2016
July 29, 2016
Aug 6, 2016
Aug 11, 2016
Aug 20, 2016
Aug 26, 2016
Sep 2, 2016
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 17, 2016
Sep 23, 2016
Oct 2, 2016
Oct. 8, 2016
Oct. 15, 2016
Oct. 20, 2016
Oct. 28, 2016
Nov. 4, 2016
Nov. 11, 2016
Nov. 18, 2016
Nov. 25, 2016
Dec.2, 2016
Dec. 9, 2016
Dec. 16, 2016
Dec, 24, 2016
Dec 30, 2016
Jan 6, 2017
Jan 13, 2017
Jan 20, 2017
Jan 25, 2017
Feb 3, 2017
Feb 10, 2017
Feb 17, 2017
Feb 24, 2017
Mar 3, 2017
Mar 10, 2017
Mar 17, 2017
Mar 24, 2017
KG

211.3
209.2
209.6
210.1
209.1
203.7
203.7
206.4
202.8
202.1
203.1
200.9
201.9
198.7
197.9
202.4
198.6
195.8
195.1
199.0
196.2
193.6
194.2
194.4
195.2
193.3
194.2
192.7
196.2
195.0
190.4
187.6
190.0
191.2
190.0
191.0
190.2
190.9
187.2
189.0
190.9
192.3
188.2
183.3
181.2
185.5
183.0
181.8
179.6
--
--
--
--
LBS

465.0
460.2
461.2
462.2
460.0
448.2
448.2
454.2
446.2
444.8
447.0
442.0
444.2
437.2
435.4
445.4
437.0
430.8
429.2
437.8
431.6
426.0
427.4
428.8
429.4
425.2
427.4
424.0
431.8
429.0
419.0
412.8
418.0
420.6
418.0
420.2
418.6
420.0
411.8
415.8
420.0
423.0
414.2
403.4
398.8
408.0
402.8
400.0
395.2
--
--
--
--
Change (lbs)

-----
-4.8
+1.0
+1.0
-2.2
-11.8
No change
+6 P.F
-8
-1.4
+2.2 P.F
-5
+2.2 P.F
-7
-1.8
+10 P.F.
-8.4
-6.2
-1.6
+8.6 ?
-6.2
-5.6
+1.4
+1.4
+0.6
-4.2
+2.2 W.W.
-3.4
+7.4 W.W. P.F.
-2.8
-10
-6.2
+5.2 Fruit W.W.
+2.6 W.W.
-2.6
+2.2
-1.6
+1.4
-8.2
+4.0 Christmas
+4.2 Christmas
+3.0 W.W.
-8.8
-10.8
-4.6
+9.2 P.F
-5.2
-2.8
-4.8
--
--
--
--
Week

0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
Total -69.8 lbs (48 Weeks)

W.W. Water Weight
P.F.     Processed Foods
J.F.      Junk Food
P.        Pizza
B.        Burgers

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Social Retardation An Information Guide

Social Retardation:

1. A condition in which a person heaves inappropriately in public or on the internet. Normally they have no idea how to act or communicate with other people. They generally do not understand at all that they are socially retarded at all. They are also unaware of their own deficiencies in many other facets of life.

EX: Please excuse Al, he is socially retarded.

2. When someone lacks the skills a person normally picks up in elementary grades of school in able to be able to communicate with others in day to day life. Excessive use of internet with purpose of gaining attention any way possible normally leads to social retardation.

EX: A person with a large amount of accounts on any web site with the purpose of trolling is a social retard.

There is generally no help for these people as their brains are deformed. Many scientific studies have proven their lack of intellect and social skills are due to severe and irreversible brain damage. This damage is normally caused in the stages of development from ages 9 to 14. After this time span, there is no way of them gaining the neural pathways needed to interact in a normal manner.


Chronic gamers can be close to this status, but never pass over the line to being social retards. In fact, most gamers function very well with others and have to do so to play a lot of the modern games. Although gamers can be shy and uneasy, they are normally able to interact without offence. Game Trolls on the other hand are never able to play the games and are just there to disrupt the people who do have the skills to play games. These are social retards.

The saddest thing is, that socially retarded people generally think they are extremely intelligent and/or witty. The reality is they can not actually string words together without proving they have a damaged brain. So it is important to not get made when you encounter one, instead feel deeply sorry for their sad fate.

You Mad? Yes Kind Of...

So Facebook just disallowed me to post a link to my own blog post because the URL had the word SUCKS in it. Lets see what it does with this one because it has the work SUCKS in it LOL.

I mean seriously did FB think this was porn or what? Sigh...

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

One More Reason Fibro Sucks

So here I am covered in itchy the other day - as I am right freaking now and as I am at least 4 times a week. I am not to the point of the other day in this photo - but I am not enjoying it. Worst thing is, nothing at all helps.

I have taken all manner of antihistamine and rubbed on all manner of creams to try and get the hell of itching to stop. None of it helped at all. So you live threw it. For me it will only last a few hours at most, but for some it lasts for days or weeks. God I would be spare in a week of this. Then again I thought a week of Anxiety would kill me and here I am in week 2...

BTW Looks bad don't it? Think about it, scratching makes it WORSE and it's covering my entire body. Not only that about 80% of my life in the last 17 years I have had a spot on my back that has been itchy and nothing will kill it. Not only that it's HELLISH itchy. It's about the size of my fingertip and is off to the left of center mid rib cage on my back. Sigh.

The only thing I hate worse is a bad pain day or the times when my privates feels like it's on FIRE. Now thing of all 3 of these and more happening to you all at once. That is a bad flair and now and then for me it will last for days.

I am lucky and most of the time it's hours not days that I am in pain. But a mild flair (like now) can last me over a week (like last time).

Oh well - life goes on...

Medicating With Food - Sushi Load

So I have been not well this last way emotionally - been fighting Anxiety kind of a lot and that had made me kind of down - so what do I do? EAT.

I go into the store and a FAMILY sized sushi pack is on sale for $10. Well I get it and eat the entire thing. There was a couple of dragon rolls and a couple of different kinds of California roll in it. In all enough to feed 4 people and I eat it all. My tummy hated me for it and I did not feel any better after. That is the problem - it only feels good while you eat.

Fortunately this was not like I eat a pile of something very bad for me like cake (I've done that before) - but it's not good. I hoped I was out of the habit of pigging out to medicate myself. I guess old habits die hard. But next time maybe I will just try listening to a lot of music instead - like I am doing right now and it's kind of working.

Art - Variations on an Abstract