Thursday, August 31, 2017

Some Good Shit Playlist (LINKS)

1 War - Low Rider
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xTGrfs5TXM

2 Blues Brothers - Sweet Home Chicago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79vCiXg3njY

3 Jim Stafford - Swamp Witch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IB0SxXTR_UI

4 System Of A Down - Chop Suey!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSvFpBOe8eY

5 Iron Maiden - The Trooper
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G5rfPISIwo

6 AC/DC - Thunderstruck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2AC41dglnM

7 David Bowie - Rebel Rebel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U16Xg_rQZkA

8 The Velvet Underground - Heroin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xcwt9mSbYE

9 The Kinks - Lola
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LemG0cvc4oU

10 Joe Walsh - Life's Been Good
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXWvKDSwvls

11 Canned Heat - On The Road Again (Alternate Take)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgBHRYtt-Y4

12 The Dead South - In Hell I'll Be In Good Company
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9FzVhw8_bY



Sunset On The Butt-hurt AKA Blog 100 For The Month


So the other day I blogged about a hate post by a very butt-hurt person who likes to play the victim. Well I of course in all good conscience not stay friends with her. I made the mistake of not blocking her for it. Well she got kind of uptight over it.

I get a PM from her making fun of me being a person of size. Once again proving that every last person I know that claims they are a victim all of the time are really just angry people. The best part here is she then blocked me over it.

I know she will (as done to others) unblock me later and take another snipe at me. So I blocked her back - you can actually do that by going threw the messenger app and selecting block on Facebook as well. Poof if she unblocks she is blocked by you.

The thing is I also know far too many (and way more) real victims. These people almost never actually talk about it and sure as HELL would not be posting it on Facebook for the entire world set on public like these "look at poor me" people do.

Anyway - so this is blog post #100 for the month of August in 2017. I did not set out to post 100 of them but her it is #100. I went crazy on it this month for no real reason other than I felt like doing it. Average of 3.226 per day. Actually I did them in groups some days I would post 8 or 9 then nothing for a few days and it just worked out this way.

Being this is 1:17am on the 31st and I'm going to bed after this, I will have time for #101 or more tomorrow - if I do it will more than likely be a playlist of song links to YouTube. Anyway, thanks for reading these and enjoy the hell out of your day.

Lays Sizzlin' Szechuan Chips - REVIEW

Well as for Sizzlin' I have to say not at all. These where mild compared to other spicy chips I have had. Even for the main stream market there are far from actually hot.

As for taste they rock and it's an actual complex bend of tastes with a hint of pork and shrimp to the taste.

They are the same Lay's chips you know other then that. At least once a month they go on sale. It happened to line up they where on sale on shopping day so I got some. Glad I did.

As for rating I'm going to give them a 7.5/10. Not the best but very well worth it. I would recommend doubling the heat and come out with a "blazing" verity. I do realize that most people that say they like "hot" actually like mild not even medium heat. So...

If you want VERY hot chips get into the Blair's Death Rain Chips. They are super hot and come in several verities of spice.

6 Faces Of AxeMoose







Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Play The Victim Then Spew Hate

How is this for asshole? I just had to delete the 3rd person in a week for being filled with hate. This person should know better. She is always on about how people treat her like shit. Sigh.

You can't fix hate. So I just walked away. When you don't care that good people are hurting and suffering and at risk of death - there is something wrong with you that nothing can fix.

I find it interesting that every last person I have ever encountered that spews hate at random for little to no reason all play the victim as well. Every one of them with no exception. Makes me wonder if it's a mental illness driven over compensation of the poor me syndrome.

The sad thing is the amount of others I have seen on Twitter and Facebook spewing hate saying it's punishment for voting for Trump. Ya know I have my doubts about the competence of anyone who voted for him, but once you think they should die for it - you are just evil.

Then there was the mega church crap. People going on how they closed the doors to keep out the people in need when in reality the place was under water and the video was faked by atheist trolls.

That in it's self make me go back to what I just said - the people that spew hate the most often are the ones who think they are a victim some how and who more than people who think that someone believing in God somehow harms them.

Oh and the person who posted this proclaims to be a Christian at times. Then again she is so confused as to what and who she is, it's not even imaginable to most people. All I know is that when people spew hate I walk away. I'm not going to argue or try to fix them - I'm just walking away and I won't be back.

The thing is I've never seen anyone who is prone to viral like this come to their senses and start being a nice person. Yes I'm sure it's happened but almost never and I have personally not seen it.

In any event I'm off to lay in the dark for a bit and pray for people who are effected by this disaster. I know some of you think that is a pointless waste of time and perhaps you are right, but I can do that - I can't donate money as I have none and I can't go and help. So I will pray and wish that they are safe. At least that is a positive thing to do.

Search Driven Algorithms AKA Why Am I Seeing This?

So the majority of places on the internet advertise with "search driven algorithms". Here is the ticket, 80% of advertising I see on Facebook has nothing to do with my searches. Being that they deploy this kind of algorithm, I am at a loss to how this keeps coming up.

So I'm disabled, live on about $1100 a month and have literally no savings. So why in the world would I be looking at stuff like in this screen cap? I never have. In fact the last time I booked a vacation there where no vacation web pages LOL.

Today it's cruise ships all over the place. Yesterday it was high end cars that I would not buy even if I had millions to spend. Before that women's clothing all over the place. Then there was the entire week that every place I went it was trying to sell me "My Little Pony".

Something has gone wrong is all I have to say. When it does give me relevant ads, it's for things I already ordered LOL. Oh well... This is life...

It's Hot AKA Remembering Snow In March

OK this was not the top of it, but I clicked the screen cap for "4:20"... It topped out at 37°C that is 98.6°F... Average high for this time of year is 23°C (73°F). Then again most places I have friends in have been reporting it's been abnormally hot for this time of year.

As a kid I remember it snowing not long after going back to school a couple of times. As an adult (about 20 years ago) it snowed so much we got almost stranded at a truck stop - this was in MARCH.

That one was a wild one. We went out there with out summer jackets on and then all the sudden I looked out the window and WOW the snow was up to the bumper on my friends car. So we though we where toast.

Sadly and locally a woman had a massive seizure and they had to send an ambulance. The city sent out a snow plow to get the ambulance to the truck stop and we followed it back in (still snowing).

It was snowing so hard that we had trouble getting back to my place and I'm sure even more trouble for my friend to get home. Once we departed from the path made by the plow it was hellish bad roads and we almost ended up stuck several times.

A few days later the vast amount of snow was gone and replaced by large puddles all over town - a mini flood of sorts. But the point is, you just never know what the hell the weather will do.

BTW the big change in temperature from night to day is causing my body a lot of pain. Fibro likes the temperature to be the same all the time you see, or at least mine does. But oh well.

First World Rant About My Cable Box

 Sigh so here it is, my Bluesky box from Shaw Cable tits up again. Seems at least once a week this thing has a stroke for a short time... Well some days not so short a time. Most of the time it dies in the middle of the night and I wake up to an error code.
I love my really fast internet and Sasktel for the price i'm paying just WON'T give me the same speeds or the amount of TV I am getting (no matter how many times they say they will). But this is annoying.

See I am disabled and in my apartment for 95% of my time. This means I am reliant on things like internet and TV to keep me from going more crazy than I am (what? It's a good kind of crazy). So when something goes down for more than a moment it's a problem to me.

I keep getting drops in speed on the internet and it seems to happen at least once a day where it drops so low it almost does not register. I have Tweeted them a bunch of time and for some reason they keep telling me there are no errors in the logs - sigh...

Thing is, I actually have training on how these things work. So I know that if the problem is shorter than the report interval they often don't make it to the logs - see it's not actually possible to have a million modems reporting constantly every second of the day.

This was the thing for people who mass download on torrents to know (yes I know some shady feckers). They figured out the report interval (in the old days it was literally 2 hours) and then you power cycle the modem and POOF it forgets all that data you used. Good luck now, I think the report time is 15 minutes (not sure though). You would NEVER finish a download at that rate...

But that is just a moment in time when a video stalls or a post to Facebook pukes. Nothing to write home about. BUT the TV being dead when I wake up in the morning is a bother. Most of the time if I power cycle it it's fine after. Being that the OS has it retry every now and then to do things, it is a special kind of locked up when it won't do that. Yeah that's a problem.

My BIGEST issue with this thing is the same with a lot of them - you can't watch the DVR if it's not able to connect to the network. See that is a programming issue either in the Shaw software or on the OS side (more than likely OS side). It will error out and not let you do things while it's trying to reconnect. See if you toss in some code to pop up a button that lets you send the reconnect crap to the background then you could watch your shows... But NOOOO...

See the real modern ones do the same thing with voice control and so on. The also record in the cloud and give you a vast amount of storage space on the server some place. This allows you to log on with your phone and watch your recordings any place. The actual use of a heard drive inside the box is outdated.

Also some cable companies record 3 or 4 hours back on every channel so you can time jump on any station if you missed something. But think of the storage? Well storage is actually not that expensive these days and a mass storage server is not that hard to keep going - the software tends to warn you BEFORE a drive fails and moves stuff to another dive then you just replace it.

BUT all this being said, Sasktel was a living hell for crashes and losing stuff on me that I recorded - that alone made me switch to Shaw. Then the internet 150 came out and the upload speed was WAY more than I could get on Sasktel and I was hooked - being a content creator and tossing photos, graphics and video to the internet every day and all...

Now that I said all this, think that there are people in this world with no safe place to exist, starving in the cold (or hot sun) and children working in a mine some place. But I'm in the first world DANG it, make my toys work! #FirstWorldRants #EntitledPersonComplains...

Remembering My Life Part 6

Pain is something I know very well. I have been on a long path these many years to many jobs and to the lives of many people. I also was on a path to spending the rest of my life in pain. This was to get slowly worse as the years rolled on. It’s been about seventeen years now since I would work full time. I have been on disability or welfare for over ten years now. I am not to the point where there is no possibility of me being productive in the workforce. I can only manage to sit in a chair for twenty minutes or so at a time. If I push it maybe forty-five. But then I end up in a lot of pain like I am now, as I am pushing to get this out while my head is clear of the fog. I have pushed myself to sit for hours at a time and ended up on the floor or passed out in a car or truck. Some days though I can sit up for five hours at a time, but most times not even close. I spent many years trying to find out what was wrong with me and in the declining years of my Doctors life he came up with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. There is a condition that when I am upright for a long time the pain gets worse to the point where I can pass out as I mentioned. Also there are times of brain fog that can last for day where it is literally hard for me to even talk. I can sound to others in this time like I am mentally challenged and I am certain this is what some who have met me thought. The pain comes in many forms and this feeling like my head is incased in cement some days is something that most people could never relate too. The feeling of being wide awake and so tired you want to sleep for a year, all at the same time. There are times where I feel like parts of my body are on fire. Literally it’s a burning pain. The strange part of this is at the same time as the fire, some parts feel ice cold. Other times I feel like thousands of bugs are chewing on me at the same time, in fact I had this today. I could go on, but I won’t. I am tired as hell now from forcing myself to write this in one go. I must lay down before I literally pass out. I can feel the darkness slipping in and the pull of gravity is strong. The reality that when I am rested there will be no way I can maintain this trend of thought is also pushing me. But the pain and the tired wins. I must lay down.

Thank you for reading these slices of my life from several time frames. I hope there will be more sooner or later. I just wish I could vlog like this. But I can’t. Peace and Love – Dave Nicholson.

Remembering My Life Part 5

Church. OK this is after I admitted to myself that I had sexual feelings toward other men and women at the same time. I did not know the term bisexual yet even. It was my late twenties. A friend and I (one of the original three) started to go to a fundamentalist church. Now being that he is a full on gay man and I went both ways, things ended up stupid and we were damaged in many ways. We got full on into this entire God thing and studied the bible ever night (literally every night). The non-forgiving preaching’s of the pastor stuck with us and drove a wedge into our souls. It was the start of an exploration for me to find God on my own terms that lasts to this day. It was also the start of loathing of all things religion for my friend. His logic on the topic goes like this. Mom and Dad told me there was a God they also told me there was a Santa and an Easter Bunny. The last two where a lie, so God had to be a lie as well. But for me the feeling that there was a power out there that no only cared out us, but wanted us to grow, never went away. I found what I was looking for on my terms and continue to seek answers. I also accept that others are on a different path and that all paths that do no harm at paths to God. I also know that books are by men, and men make mistakes. Religion is of the mind and God is of the heart. When these two things get together there is often conflict in many forms. My biggest hope it to never stop looking for more in this respect.

Remembering My Life Part 4

So I am now in the work force. I am painting and I am good at it. House painting that is. I was in charge of the three others in my group. I was not demanding, just told them if you don’t work like I work you are gone. I spent a lot of time with them and with a drink in my hand - other than at work. The one was this wild redhead and one of the biggest mistakes I made in my working history. It was strange how we came together in the same job for the same reason. It was even more strange that we both had the same birthday. The same day, month and year. Further still, we were popped out into the world at the same hospital in Saskatoon on the same night hours apart. We kind of hit it off and kind of ended up doing things you should not be doing with people who were under you at work. The other two ended up changing almost every other week, but me and that red head who fucked like an animal worked hard and played hard for almost a year. Then the work was over. The man who owned the place had managed to run it into the ground when the economy was booming. But oh well. We saw each other a few times after and kind of drifted toward other people. Once again I never saw her again after a few years. Yet another person who drifted into the mist so to speak.

Remembering My Life Part 3

School days in King George where kind of a mix of good and bad times. There were a lot of kids going there from broken families and a lot of damaged goods. They liked for the most part to cause trouble and to push people around. I was always a big kid and they left me alone after I started to push back. But I know others were not so lucky. But the fondest memory was of the lady who worked in the library. She was the nicest person you could hope to meet. She also showed me that there was more to this world than just what is in it. If we opened our minds and just let them wonder, we could be in worlds we created. She is one of the two major reasons I started to do art. She is the reason I started to try and put words to paper, even though I was never that good at it. We had conversations; something that I did not get out of other adults at the time. I honestly think she is the reason that I stopped being an ass hat and started to apply myself. She is why I ended up a good person. I was in the wrong crowd to start with. God knows where I would have ended up. Well I know because that is why one of the two friends I talked about earlier is dead. He died at the hands of another gang member in Winnipeg Manitoba. One of the other reasons I became a productive person instead of a drug addict or a criminal is that he moved and the other friend and I started to stop wanting to smash shit and be a general waste of space. But that librarian was the number one reason I started on the path to who I am today, even if I did divert off the path a few times in my twenties.

Remembering My Life Part 2

I was 16 and sitting in a dugout in the evening with someone I knew from school. Well I knew him from elementary school and he was going someplace else now. I am not talking about the kind of dugout that water goes in, but the kind the baseball players go in. We were having some beer he got somehow. I never did know how he got it. I knew that he was a strange kid when we were going to the same school, but I had no idea he was this fucked up in the head. We talked about fighting to start with, you know the bravado of the teen male, telling of the fights we got in in school back then. The on the 3rd beer (there were only 6) he started to tell me how he liked to kill animals with this knife he had and showed it to me. He said he liked to hear them scream and to see “the fear in their eyes”. He said he would like to do the same to a person some time. In fact, he had this plan to do it with hookers, but for some fucking reason they had to be blond. He said, “if I cut the clothing off and the pubes where not blond they would die slower”. He was not interested in fucking them, he just wanted to see the look in their eyes when “the light went out”. I just sat there in shock not knowing what to say. I just listened to him go on and on for about an hour. Then without a word he got up and just walked away. I wonder how lucky I was that he did not kill me. I wonder what happened to him. I saw his name in the paper a few times on the police blotter. He was charged with violent assaults on a woman both times. I think they got lucky because he was not very strong and a little person to say the least. Then there was nothing. I was told he moved to Alberta. I wonder if he ended up as a dangerous offender, locked up for the rest of his life. I guess I will never know.

Remembering My Life Part 1

There was a time when I was a young person. I think I was about 10. We decided we were doing to get naked and play in this deposit of wet clay we found when on our bikes out in the countryside. See this is the way kids think. If I take my clothing off, they won’t be covered in clay and Mom won’t know. The reality that there was no clean water and that at best we could just be less dirty did not strike us at all. Us being two friends and I. So we rolled nude in the wet clay bank and pushed each other and had the best time ever. We never thought that someone might come along and do anything to us. Things then where so different. No one talked about that kind of thing. To see this in the light of a distant memory now is to think how fucking lucky we got that we were not picked up by the RCMP or nabbed by some sex offending low life. But at the time it was just three good friends rolling in the clay. The result of course was that we could not get clean enough after in the muddy waters. We ended up home late and smelling like swamp and covered in muck. We all got to spend several days’ home grounded to think about the stupidity of what we did and why it was wrong. The thing is, I would give almost anything to live that afternoon over again. That feeling of being free of the world and only joy in our hearts is long gone. Now it’s payments and rent and what food to get on a budget and how am I going to afford clothing when a 3 pack of undies in my size is $45. But then it was day after day of just being alive in the moment and never thinking of tomorrow. We just did stuff. We just lived. We just where part of this wonder of a world. Now we are oppressed by it and only on the odd moment we glimpse the joy of life that we once thought would never end.

Monday, August 28, 2017

And Chicken Time


OK I got tired as hell of beans for protein. I broke out the remainder of the chicken and cooked it up. There are 3 pieces left in a container and some more veggies and tomatoes. But tomorrow will be more beans as that is how it has to be. Then Wen, I shop and get the fixings for some chili and that will be dinner the next day. Wed, I think I will get some fast food on the way home from shopping. Going to have the shopping delivered so I don't have to play with it.

For the rest of the month it will be - yeas beans and chicken and veggies. I eat beans generally 2 times a day. It's strange as hell, but I have lot a pile of weight doing it this way and get one meal a day that actually tastes good.


Immortal Bugs

This is a Box Elder Bug. People all my life have mistaken them for Caragana Beetles. But oh well. All I know is they are immortal! LOL.

So this fellow (or lady) was on my entertainment center and I thwacked it with a fly swatter and it went flying and after landing on the carpet got up and flew over to my cabinet...

Well I think hit the fecking thing with my shoe (not even kidding)... THUMP and it flew under the heating radiator. It's happily sitting there right now munching on my carpet or whatever.

Yeah they get in all over the place. I've seen them in the millions on the side of the building in the past. Don't seem to be many this year BTW. But as soon as I'm done here it's going for a ride in the vacuum.

They explode in population several times a year then vanish from view for a while. Hell seen them in November once. As long as it's warm enough to hatch they come out. I got no idea how they live really as I never really looked it up, all I know is they WON'T DIE when I hit them.

Expenses And Shopping List For Sep 2017

SAID     $1083
Shaw:    -$156
Sasktel:  -$85
Food     -$200
Rent     -$418
Online    -$20
==============
Left Over $204

Shaw – Cable and internet
Sasktel – Smart phone

This is for an entire month and most of the time the leftover is eaten up by other expenses and having a bit of fun a couple times a month. I get 7 packages with the cable TV and HBO and internet 150. The smart phone plan is good for my aria as there is little option and for 10GB of data and unlimited talk, text and so on you will pay more elsewhere – as well they have the best coverage. Will post a blog after I shop and link to this one to show how much the food actually came out to and what is left over. Next pay will be $1123 as I'm paying off an advance that I used for clothing. Also next pay will be sails tax rebate month of $198 - that will pay for my phone case I want, a new phone and my insurance for the apartment. I'm making chili once this next month as it's expensive to eat food that is not boring... Also might get some spice mix of some sort - will see how much it is.

Shopping list:
2 boxes chicken breasts.
3 2KG bags of mixed veggies.
54 cans of beans.
1 bottle BBQ sauce
1 bottle extra-hot sauce (co-op gold)
4 Jalapeños
1 bag chili powder
1 yellow onion
1 green pepper
1 lb ground beef
1 can tomato paste
Toilet Paper

4 bags chips (for movie night)

Midnight Listening Playlist (With Links)

Molly Hatchet - One Last Ride
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxWV1os7wus

Mötley Crüe - Kick Start My Heart
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMsrARxzIGg

Sixx A.M. -Skin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYzT36DA0Rk

The Clash - I Fought the Law
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AL8chWFuM-s

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXdNnw99-Ic

Johnny Cash - Hurt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc

Deep Purple-Child in Time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfAWReBmxEs

Lou Reed - Walk On The Wild Side
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KaWSOlASWc

The Doors - Riders on the Storm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLBV6ZwLKDU

The Doors - The End
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSUIQgEVDM4



Sunday, August 27, 2017

Well Got Icy Hot On My Unit OUCH...

OK... That was about the dumbest thing I have done in 5 or 6 years. So sitting there on the bed and go to put some icy hot on my back... Well Little Dave gets itch and with the fingers that have the FRESH icy hot on it I scratch it. Not the tip is covered in icy hot and the eyes are rolled back in my head and I'm trying not to scream. Sigh - thank GOD I remembered that water is BAD in this situation and dish soap is good. OMFG what the hell was I thinking? The best thing is, this is NOT the first time I managed to get icy hot on the poor little fella. The last time I grabbed the icy hot instead of the lube - that was well - way worse than this time... I selected this image for the transposition of imagery - hehehe.

And YouTube Is Working As Expected LOL



YUP!... There it is again. YouTube at it's best I see. It was fixed for a short time then POOF the phantoms are back. It's not just in these two locations, but in the comments as well. It told me there where 9 comments and there where 7 on another video told me there there 7 and there where 4. HAHA. Then the FEED... Well the last 4 days not much showed up at all, then today POOF a bunch of videos from up to 4 days ago. It's like it knew I did not have time to catch up today and mocked me. Oh and the other day "0 views, 4 likes and 6 comments" - how the crap does that work? If nothing all the bugs are amusing at times and well annoying as shit some times.

Both the apps are about done for as well. I can't like comments on my Creators Studio App or it thinks I want to block the person... How that works I don't know. As well on the YouTube app, raw MP4's from my phone will NOT upload... Well they will but they will never process - EVER. I tried 6 times with one video and no can do. So I have to convert the files with my video editor on the phone then post them with the app. Sigh.

That Is One Expensive Virtual Fidget Spinner

 OK just for the LOLS - this is a game on Google Play Store. Well it's a freakin' Fidget Spinner game. That's all it is... So it said in app purchases and I clocked more. Well... $129.99 is the high end to the in app purchases LOL. It's some virtual toy you SPIN... How is this worth that much? Best thing is, there have been 10 million downloads of this. DANG - kind of a lot of people out there with way more money than I have. Then again if I had move money than Trump I would not pay $129.99 for a virtual spinner LOLS.
And here is the link .:LINK:.

Product Shots With My Phone





Shot with an LG G4 phone.

Things The Chronically Ill Are Tired Of Hearing

1. You don’t look sick
More than often people with chronic illness have gotten used to hiding the pain and the symptoms for the simple reason they are tried of explaining it. Others as in my case, are so that loved ones don't constantly worry about them. After years of pain or sickness you simply get used to being in that state and you no longer "look sick". As well there are many conditions that don't have outward signs of illness. This does not mean the person is not suffering. A final note on this is "what does sick look like"?

2. You’re too young to be sick
I've seen children at the age of 5 who where very sick, in fact sicker than I am. There is no age that you need to be before you become sick or before you can feel pain. No one is safe and it can happen to anyone. Chronic illness does not discriminate based on anything.

3. Everyone gets tired
Yes they do, but the vast majority of people spend most of their waking time not being tired. For the chronically ill, being tired all of the time is common. No amount of rest can cure it. Coffee or other things won't snap you out of it. You are simply fatigued and sometimes to the point you can't even have a shower. This may be the hardest thing for the able bodied to understand.

4. You’re just having a bad day
If only that was true. Imagine if you will having a "bad day" for 10 or 15 years non stop. Also imagine if you where in pain or tired to the point you can hardly funtion this entire time. It's not just a bad day it's a way of life for the chronically ill. The good days are rare and all to far apart.

5. It must be nice not having to go to work/school
The majority of people I know with chronic illness would love to be able to work or go to school. The fact that that feeling of being of use and needed is denied us is one of the worst parts of illness mentally. It is often a deep part of the depression that comes along with being sick or in pain for a long time. The suffering hits you and the lack of ability to work or go to school hits you as well. It's not a vacation, it's a never ending punishment.

6. You need to get more exercise
For the chronically ill, it is often very painful or they are simply lacking in the energy needed to do this. For myself, walking in the store to get my supplies for the month can cause me to be in distress. The fact is I often have to stop mid way and just stand there and recover for a bit. As well exercise can make pain much worse or in some cases cause conditions where your life is in danger.

7. I wish I had time to take a nap
This is a very pointed thing to say to the chronically ill. The nap is not because we wish to it's because we simply can't stay awake any longer and need to recharge after expending more energy than we should have. For some of us we will literally pass out if we don't take that nap, so it's not an option.

8. The power of positive thinking
Positive thinking can improve the mood, but not one person have used it to heal themselves. I'm sure you can find people telling you that you can but they are often trying to sell you something. All the positive thinking in the world can not make a sick person better, it can only make your mood better. Trust me I am a lot more "positive thinking" than most people I know and I've suffered for 18 years now.

9. Just push through it
As stated before, if a person who is chronically ill tries this they are putting themselves at risk. To force yourself to finish something or to do something you can't normally do - you run the risk of hurting yourself and or passing out. For some it could be life threatening to push past the point where your body tells you to stop.

10. It will get better, just be patient
This often comes from the inability of most people to understand that chronic illness is almost always a life long event. There is no getting better. The most we can hope for is good days and for treatments that cause us to be a little more functional.

11. Have you tried ____
More than often we have tried it all. I have been in this situation for 18 years of my life every day and I have tried every form of pain management there is available. Not one thing has taken the pain away. Often with pain medication you need to take more and more of it over time. With the kind of medication needed for this level of pain, that can cause toxic results to your body and put you in danger. That being said, YES I've tried it.

12. You should stop ____
After a while unless you have a cognitive disability, you learn what you can and can't do. I had one person tell me "stop drinking coffee". Well it's not like I did not try that in the past. Coffee does not effect my disability one way or the other. In fact it hardly works on me as a stimulant. Trust me after a few years or more, people have come to realize what can and can't be part of their life.

13. It’s all in your head
Actually it's all in my body. If it where all in my head that nonsense about positive thinking would work but it won't. There are a small number of people out there that are mentally ill that manifest it as a physical illness, but that is not at all common. The majority of chronically ill people have been told this nonsense and even treated that way by doctors (and the doctor should no better). If I had $10 for every time I saw a so called doctor tell someone there is no CFS or Fibro - I'd have a new house by now.

14. You need to get out more
Being out when chronically ill can be a dangerous this. If you flair up and you are not in a place where you can rest you are in trouble and can be hurt because of it. All the fresh air in the world won't help. All the "seeing other people" in the world won't help. This is just another form of "think positive" basically.

15. You take too many medications
I review my medications and the doctor removes the ones that are not needed. I take only what is needed to help me be a able to get threw the day. Medication keeps me from being in bed all the time and in fact is keeping me alive at this moment in time. The other form of this is "you need to use natural medications" - trust me I tried that and it did nothing of use.


Thursday, August 24, 2017

When I Can't Sleep

I don't like games but when I can't sleep I tire my brain with solitaire. Couple people told me to do this years ago and it works for some reason. Puzzles wake me up more so they won't do. But this helps some days.

So played 48 games and won half of them. This is not bad since the last game I had I was about 20% win the entire time - but I like the look of this one better, so I switched.

The tablet is too heavy for in bed for me and makes my chest muscles hurt holding it - so I use the phone. When I am too awake to get any sleep I go to the comfy chair and break out the tablet and listen to music and play with a drawing program.

I'm actually not that great free hand any more as I lost some muscle control and no one can tell me why other than "you are 50". But it's fun. I did all the coloring ones I could get for free and one of them set off my virus scan on download - so it never installed. The other 3 had a LOT more to color but you had to pay $7 in one case and $12 in the other case so I said nope.

On the PC I play jigsaw puzzles often. I'm kind of good at them to an abnormal state. I can do 250 piece puzzle in 15 min. and sometimes only 10. On a good day I will do a 500 in 25 min. The 500 has so many pieces they don't all fit in the screen so it slows you down and you have to use "drawers" on the game to hold some.

Well I'm going to listen to music now so Bye...

Screen Cap Fun

 This one is obvious LOL.
 So love this guys videos and ALWAYS watch all the way threw - notice YT thinks I only watched the start of it. To count the view and the like you have to hit 50% view. Sigh so they will take mine away because YT is fucked.
 OK this video this dude commented on was about a person being desperately ill and in distress. So what part of that was "Nice"? Glad your fucking bot gave it a like, too bad tomorrow it will be gone because you did not hot the 50% view length.
Yup live in an apartment and don't own a garden at all, but shared a video by someone else about his plants and POOF I'm in a bot generated list. I'm also in a list for makeup lovers and one about US politics even though I live in Canada... LOL - love bots. I do actually watch makeup videos - I don't even know why I like em...

I'm This Bored (3 Text Play Units)




Fibromyalgia Is Hell But I Still Love Life

Freaking Fibromyalgia. So 3rd week of slowly more pain than the day before. Saturday it will be week 4 starting.

Normally I get hit for 2 or 3 days then it goes away for a week or so. Not this time.

Trust me though, I have been in a LOT more pain than this. But after a few days your brain just want it to go away.

Sure you can ignore pain and I'm doing it right now to post the blog posts. I'm also good at hiding the pain so now it's my natural state. I got that way because I did not want my Mom to know how much pain I was in when helping her do things.

I used to think "suck it up" when someone talked about something hurting that I know was 1/10 of me pain at best. But the reality is, to them it's a lot and pain hurts no matter who you are or how much it is. Now I just think "I hope they never no the pain I know".

As well when the doctor says "rate it from 1 to 10" I always thing "how stupid is that". You can't quantify it on a universal scale. To me someone else's 10 might be a 2. To someone else my 10 might be a 2. So how does this 1 to 10 thing work?

Now lets talk pain meds. I've had it all and nothing works for the Fibro pain. Sure I blew out tendons in both knees one day - that freking hurt but to me it was a 6 and the pain meds worked fine on that. I've had fibro pain of a 3 and NOT had the same meds do anything at all. So obviously the pain is not the same.

I have to say losing 130 lbs over the last 3 years seems to have helped a bit but not a lot. I have one of them doctors that thinks Fibro does not exist and the pain is from being fat. LOL - try again. If that was true then the pain should be dramatically reduced by now and it's not. This may be why I only tend to see him when I need med refills.

Distraction is our friend though. If you can keep your mind busy with ANYTHING it will help the pain. I mean even turning on the TV and just watching a show helps a bit. For me the strangest thing helps. I lay in bed and hold a small stuffed toy (Pusheen). This helps reduce the pain for me when it's bad. We adapt and we learn things that help and sometimes it's strange things like a scented candle or Pusheen.

The best part of all is when I was about 22 I was talking to a friend who had a mother in Chronic Pain. I said, "I am not doing that, if I end up in chronic pain I'm killing myself". Well here I am 17 years after and being in pain every single moment of that time... Or is it 18 years now. I've lost track now.

It's strange as most people would remember when this hell started but it's gone from my memory. See I only remember things my brain tells me is important and for me that is not the same as normal folks... LOL.

Anyways, I have to reply to a text and go lay down for a bit - my neck and back are not doing well sitting in this chair... Hugs all and keep smiling - they know you don't want a pillow over your face if you smile...

Endoscope Playtime X3

 Intake for the coffee maker (filled with water)
 Sink drain trap looking up toward the other side. The surface is where the air is on the other side of the trap.
Drinking water tap. Notice how much mineral deposit there is around it. Our water here is very hard.